I had kind of a revelation tonight. I can’t say no to people, and I think that might be my downfall. I would love to be the kind of person who can do anything. More than anything I would love to be that. But I’m not.
But that doesn’t stop me from trying.
Example: I’ve been dabbling with the idea of double-majoring for a few months now and I just recently finished setting it all up. Then I met with someone from the journalism department who was asking me why. Why would I possible want to be an English Education/Journalism double major with a minor in rhetoric and writing? And I told him that, ideally, it’d be awesome to be a high school English teacher who is also in charge of the newspaper. That’s when he signed my paper declaring the major and told me that’s exactly what he did.
“I’m going to be your adviser from now on,” he told me. “I look forward to seeing how this plays out.”
Fast forward four days later when I’m heavily considering taking 25 credit hours next semester (an ungodly amount for those of you who don’t know) and thinking maybe I should just drop this major before it gets the best of me.
And by that I mean before it kills me.
But I can’t do that. I don’t want to let him down–this stranger that I just met. I don’t want anyone to think I can’t do it.
And don’t worry, there are far more reasons why I’m keeping my double major, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say that part of it was because I don’t want to disappoint him.
Example 2: This same week when I’m figuring out my schedule and realizing there’s no real way that I’ll be taking less than 20 credit hours next semester, my two student managers ask if they can sign me up for the SMART program. I ask what it is, they explain that it’s just them training me to become a student manager, and I agree. Why not? Sure it’s more hours, but it’s better pay. And won’t it look good on future resumes? Plus I love my managers, and Chloe has been telling me from the beginning that I am going to be the new her. I close three nights a week and she loves working with me because I’m reliable.
And I think that’s just it. The fact that people are now relying on me is kind of heavy. I volunteered to get AIESEC the few contacts that I have that are still forming because, after all, I’m just a freshman. I took on two stories for The Miami Student this week because that’s what they assigned me. I take notes for more than just me at extra credit lectures and guest speaker appearances.
But I love doing it all. I love when I visit my family and I find that I can talk for hours about all that I do. Yeah we just had that tennis tournament, and oh yeah that reading for Sigma Tau Delta is coming up, and no Tuesdays are knitting, Thursdays are when I drive to Hamilton to walk dogs for volunteer work.
I want to leave my freshman year with no regrets. I want to have done it all. But I don’t want a crappy GPA or no social life either. I just need to find balance. And as much as I hate to admit it, I think saying no may be just the thing I need to learn.
PS. I adore The Voice and this battle is absolute perfection. I’m in love with these two humans. Need Your Love – Jessie Pitts vs. Ryan Sill