SO I TRIED VLOGGING

Dear Reader,

I tried out the YouTube thing again. This time it was in the form of a vlog.

The verdict is still out on whether or not my life is interesting enough to try this again.

Sincerely,

Sammy

FINDING THE HAPPY

Dear Reader,

I’ve been reading a blog lately, and I think it’s bad for me.

It is a blog of someone I went to high school with–someone who is going through some very real things right now. He doesn’t know that I read his blog, and I probably won’t ever tell him because I feel like I’m invading his privacy in a way. Plus I’m going to try to stop.

He uses his blog as a journal. As therapy. Which is great! But it’s also very real. Uncut. Raw. Dramatic, but also serious. And just downright depressing. But I read it and I relate so. Much. Not with the cutting or the psych ward or the anorexia. No, he has very real problems that I am not about to sit here and pretend like I understand. But I relate to the social anxiety and the self loathing and the depressing thoughts and the overwhelming feeling like you’re drowning and you don’t know whether to stay or go and all you want is someone you can turn to.

And often I find myself inspired to vent my own feelings after reading posts from him. I just finished reading about his awful birthday this year, and I almost made a blog post about my own. About how I cried so much on my birthday this year. How I walked in the rain because it was so fitting somehow. And how I told everyone who asked that “yeah my birthday was good! Uneventful, but good.”

And then the next day I got blackout drunk.

But I began thinking about this blog post and I realized the turn that my blog has taken. I went from writing “Motivational Mondays” at 8 in the morning to “Late Night Thoughts” at 3am.

But I don’t want that. I have my journal for that. I want this blog to be something different. My latest post was a “thank you for 300” and I sincerely mean that. I like sharing cool things with people on the internet. I like it when people follow me and like my posts and comment and relate. And while I can still use is as this therapy and this creative outlet, I don’t want it to turn into this mess of depression.

Here’s the bottom line. Whenever my blog thrives and is filled with happy posts, I do okay. Not every minute of every day, but it generally means that I’m in a happy period of my life. But when I wallow in self pity, things go bad.

So I’m making a change. I’m going to make a conscious effort to notice the good in my life. I’m even thinking of taking part in #100HappyDays. tumblr_m6yho4FApm1ralymko1_500It’s not about ignoring the bad days, it’s about finding the the singular positive moments in each day.

And, hopefully soon enough, it won’t even seem like I’m looking.

Sincerely,

Sammy

“ASPIRING TEACHER SMACKS DOWN COMMON CORE IN A FEARLESS VIDEO RANT”

Dear Reader,

That is the name of the article I’m featured in.

I posted a video a few days ago in which I voiced some concerns and opinions about the american school system. Shortly after, I got an email from a very nice lady named Paula who just so happens to be the associate editor at PJ Media. She then wrote a sweet article about me and posted it on her website.Screen Shot 2015-10-06 at 11.41.27 PM

When I went to bed last night, it had been shared 121 times and had just over 700 views. I’ve yet to check what it’s at now.

But I was lowkey freaking out yesterday when I began to realize what was happening. Now, it’s not like this video is going to go viral or anything, but it makes me kind of worried how many people are sharing it and how many Facebook and Twitter timelines it might be popping up on now. As I’ve said before, my blog and YouTube channel are relatively private. I know that posting content online runs the risk of having the whole world as a potential audience, but I figured I would never have to worry about that.

So now knowing that my parents or distant relatives or people form my high school could find out that sometimes I talk to myself in front of a camera and upload it for the world to see… well that’s kind of freaky.

Secondly, this audience that is viewing the video is very different. It’s not made up of the friendly faces that greet me when I log onto WordPress. It’s made up of educated, experienced, and opinionated adults. Many of whom have taught for years and have their own relative discourse when approaching this subject.

And here I am, a kid from Ohio, who thought “man, the price of college is annoying. Common core is annoying. You know what? The whole grade system is annoying!” And then I made a video.

Needless to say, some people didn’t take kindly to my “weird examples” and “ignorant questions,” and some of the things they said were just mean. My favorite exchange was this:

“She’s an intelligent, articulate young woman. But she won’t last as a teacher. I give her maybe five years.”

And then:

“I don’t find her to be intelligent and articulate. I find her to be a snarky smart ass who should be researching answers to her questions rather than pontificating on things as if she has some kind of great insight when she’s utterly clueless.”

But I still stand by everything I said and I’m actually learning a lot from this ruthless comment section. In fact, the meanest person (in my opinion) actually answered a lot of my questions. Now, he managed to get a few zingers in between them, but my questions have been answered. Thanks, bud.

So I thought I’d share this with you all because, hey, the article is actually really nice and I feel very well represented. Besides, I made this video to start this conversation, so isn’t it good that people are talking?

Or maybe I should just be more careful what I wish for.

Have a great day y’all!

Sincerely,

Sammy

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE AMERICAN SCHOOL SYSTEM

Dear Reader,

If you didn’t already know, I’m an education major. And a few weeks ago in class, I started thinking about all the things that annoy me about the american school system. As it turns out, there’s a lot.

So, I wrote an open letter, then I read it out loud in front of a camera, and forgot to upload it for a few weeks.

Oops.

But I’m sharing it now because sometimes it’s good to get things off your chest, you know? And let’s be honest–there’s plenty that can be fixed with our education system, and I’m not really seeing the progress I’m looking for.

So here’s a video of me reading a very abridged list of what worries me regarding the future of America and our school system. Enjoy if you want.

Sincerely,

Sammy

IT’S MOTIVATIONAL MONDAY Y’ALL

Dear Reader,

I’ve got my GEO homework on my left, my white chocolate mocha on my right, and I’m feeling good. Stressed, but good. And ready to get my life back on track.

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I have a lot planned for this week. I have two papers due but one is about Kanye and the other is about Avatar: The Last Airbender so I really can’t complain. I also have my first project due soon and one is being introduced for another class, but this all gives me more reason to reach out to my professors. That’s honestly one of my favorite things about college, because my professors are not only distinguished and knowledgeable and really helpful, but they’re all pretty goofy and weird. Honestly I wish I could just follow my English professor around all day and see his perception of the world because he comes up with the strangest things. I can’t wait to talk about Kanye with him.

I’m also running my first philanthropy event (making tye-dye blankets for kids yooo) on Tuesday and we have our first corridor event on Wednesday with Insomnia Cookies catering. And on Thursday I’m going to a lecture called “Cupcakes, Pinterest & Ladyporn” for extra credit. As if I needed an incentive to go.

I also plan to make a blog post about my cramazing (crazy and amazing. I went for it and I don’t know how I feel about it but I’m a bit sleep deprived so I’m leaving it in. Feeling good.) weekend and film two videos this week so next week I can rest easy. I know one is going to be a September favorites but I have no clue what the other will be so if you have any ideas (or favorites you want to share), please leave a comment and let me know!!

That’s the other thing I want to do this week. I’m going to take full advantage of any downtime I have and actually connect with people on here and YouTube. I constantly find myself just putting stuff out there and then only interacting with the people who come to me first, but I find that to be pretty ineffective and rather narcissistic. So I want to stop it! I feel like I haven’t read another blog post in weeks and I certainly haven’t found anyone new, which is one of my favorite things to do on this website. So I’m going to explore some more this week and reach out. Also–to whoever’s still reading–if you have any suggestions of people I should check out, leave them below. Yay WordPress community!

Alright, I really need to go now. Enough talking, I’m actually going to do something. Before this motivational buzz (or maybe that’s just the coffee) wears off.

Okay. Back to the aforementioned geography homework.

Sincerely,

Sammy

WHY AM I HERE? [1 YEAR BLOGIVERSARY]

Dear Reader,

I’ve known for a while that this one-year mark was approaching, but it seems weird that it’s finally here. Especially since I haven’t been on WordPress or Bloglovin or really anything in a while. And a big reason for that is because lately I’ve felt stuck. Ideas for blog posts will come to me, and some I’ll start writing out to see where they go, but they always leave me with the same feeling. And the same questions.

Why am I sharing this?

And why am I here?

I mean, who is reading this anyway?

And sure, some of that stems from my problems with self confidence. When you see yourself in a poor light, it can be downright mind-boggling that anyone gives so much as five minutes from their day just to read something you feel inclined to share with the internet. Especially when there is so much going on! Just on this website alone, I’ve felt that my content doesn’t really match that of my peers. But going against the whole internet, you start to wonder why anyone would click on your  book reviews and random findings and rambling reflections of my life when there are real people doing really cool things. You start to think, why am I sharing this anyway?

Still, I sat down to write a 1-year blogiversary post mostly because it would just feel wrong not to. And it brought me back to the beginning. One year ago me, sitting at this very same computer, talking about what kind of character I want to be in this story that I’m writing.

And while this story has a long way to go, and this character has a lot (lot) more developing to do, things are happening. Changes are occurring. And I’m excited to continue and share them on here, because I do have answers to those questions. I’m here for me. I am using this blog to grow and learn more about myself and share my findings. And who’s reading this? Sure, my friends. My sister. Strangers on the internet. But who cares? That’s just a bonus–the likes and comments and socializing with people who I’d never have a chance to interact with otherwise. But it’s a pretty big bonus. There are some freicken cool people on this website, and I’m glad I get the chance to be among them, even in the smallest of ways.

So what is this post? A babbling mess? An excuse for why I haven’t been posting lately? A birthday present to my blog? Maybe it’s all of that, and maybe it’s nothing. Maybe I’ll hit “publish” and no one will read it and I’ll never look at it again, but that’s fine. Like I said, I’m learning more about myself through this weird website, and sometimes I just need to word vomit onto a page of the internet.

But that’s just me. And for a year now, WordPress has allowed me to do just that.

So maybe it’s clear now that this little corner of the internet doesn’t exactly showcase the best writing of our generation. Or make the most remarkable revelations or insights. Or even stay updated on a regular basis. But it’s here, and I’m glad. Because it won’t be going anywhere for a long time.

Sincerely,

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