{NEW VIDEO} SUMMER BUCKET LIST

Dear Reader,

I am SO behind with everything. Because of my summer class, I haven’t really had the time to relax and get organized, like I planned on doing, but I’ll officially be done with it after today which means I can get back to my life!

In other words, I can get back to sharing my life.

I can get back to blogging.

But I have a lot of projects in the works right now. I got back from Cuba a week ago and I have a ton of footage to edit and stories to tell and pieces to write, but I also have other ideas for this summer.

Sarah and I are doing a bucket list (we made this video like three weeks ago and I uploaded it last week so sorry for the tardiness) this summer and I think I’m going to get back to writing book reviews (I’ve finished Yes Please, China Rich Girlfriend, and The Summer I Turned Pretty trilogy recently).

Also Sarah really wants me to write another “If We Were Having Coffee” posts. She hardly ever reads my blog but she loves the ones I write like that for some reason so I’ll probably do one soon.

Anyway, I have a ton to do before my class is officially over, so I’ve got to get back to work, but yay for it being finally summer!

Sincerely,

Sammy

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A LITTLE BIT OF A LATE-NIGHT UPDATE

Dear Reader,

I’m going to try to make this quick because if I write down all the thoughts in my head, it’ll get real deep, real fast, and we don’t have time for that. So I’ll summarize.

First, I have two blogs I just need to mention because they’re written by two very good friends of mine and I’m low-key obsessed with them so I feel weird that I haven’t mentioned them before. But on NYE I asked them if it would be okay if I “promote” them (I guess you could call this) and they said yes so hopefully they remember this and say it’s okay that I’m doing this.

Sad Spotify Playlists is written by my friend Zach and is great for the most ludicrous stories as well as deep thoughts and, uh, vlogs now I guess? (lol)

And Horizon Wanderer is beautifully written by my friend Maddie. In fact, it was one of her most recent blogposts (linked here) that made me want to write this one. I honestly felt like someone was narrating my life–or, rather, transcribing my inner monologue into something worthy of being read.

I mean, THIS: “Casual conversation is a thicket of thorny possible missteps because somewhere along the way I became so concerned with what other people think of me.”

No matter how many times I’ve tried to put that same sentiment into words, I’ve never found the right way to say it.

But anyway, I’ll write (much) more on those two later, but they deserve to be in the update.

Second, NYE was great, in case I haven’t mentioned. Again, I’ll write more on that later, but I just had to throw that in here because those two made up half of the wonderful entourage that invited me to ring in the new year with them and it’s just setting up 2016 to be amazing.

Third, I just saw Sisters with Sarah (typical) and it was hilarious and awesome because the entire time we would just lean over to each other and either say “me” or “you” and then we’d laugh at ourselves.

(Also, in case you haven’t seen the movie, I am Tina Fey who is irresponsible and messes everything up but still refuses to take 100% of the blame because, like, come on, things are hardly never 100% one person’s fault. And Sarah is Amy Poehler who is hilariously and hopelessly awkward with boys and weirdly loves and communicates with her parents even when she is 40. This is accurate representation.)

Fourth, I’ve been writing weird pseudo poems and little things that I might start posting on here but hardly any of them really truly relate to my life so people who actually know me, don’t be alarmed/weirded out/I don’t know what you think of me.

Fifth, I’ve been instagramming a lot more recently which is really not a big deal or deserves to be mentioned, but this means that I am actually taking pictures. And yes I’m also using HELLA filters, but we’re making steps in the right direction so that’s positive.

Sixth, I REALLY want to dye my hair blue (I know I talked about this a year ago, but it’s resurfacing.)

Like this:

More on than later. (I’ll probably make another “If We Were Having Coffee” post soon.)

Seventh, The Happiness Project is in full swing, people! I think it’s gonna be a good.

Okay, I think seven is a good number to stop on. (Worked for Rowling, right?)

Have a nice night, everybody.

Sincerely,

Sammy

MY WEEK IN HILTON HEAD

Dear Reader,

When I was younger, my family used to take a trip to Hilton Head about every other summer, but somewhere along the way the tradition died. So this year, we decided to bring it back, and it turned out to be one of my favorite weeks I’ve had this year.

This is that week.

It all began with two days spent in the car, which Sarah documented with ugly selfies of us for her snap chat story.

Then we showed up to the condo and met up with the rest of our family. It consisted of my parents, my grandparents, my aunt Susie, her son Mac and his girlfriend Ashley, and then my sister, Caitlin, my brother-in-law, Zac, and their baby, Molly.

Molly sort of stole the show for the whole week, but can you blame her?

And all in all, it was a very relaxing week. We got henna tattooes.

We found an “Island Bagel & Deli,” where we rode our bikes to one morning.

We had family jam sessions where Mac would play the chords to songs like Bohemian Rhapsody, Hey Jude, and American Pie, and the rest of us would attempt to sing along.

We went to the beach, which I found out that I hate, but took pretty pictures nonetheless.

And there was an awesome rainbow one day!

We sort of recreated a picture from our childhood (sorry I don’t have the original).

And we continued to take ugly selfies.

But then our seven days on the island came to an end, so we said our goodbyes, took our last pictures with Molly,

and headed back to Ohio, all promising that this is the start of a new family tradition, and we will return.

Sincerely,

Sammy

 

THE INTERNET IS A WEIRD PLACE

Dear Reader,

Isn’t this weird? For six months now I’ve been writing letters (I guess you could call them) to the internet. To you. To all of you. And they’re just kind of meaningless shouts into the universe that aren’t necessarily intended to be heard. Not expected to be heard.

But here we are. Here I am sharing very personal things, when you think about it, to the internet. Here I am talking about ADD and how hard college can be and my awful self esteem issues and sometimes very strongly alluding to the fact that not everything is okay. When in real life, with real people that I really interact with, I never do that. I mean things really aren’t that bad with me–they never are–but I never let people know they could be! Not when I can portray this “everything’s perfectly fine, just like always” facade.

But here I am. Sharing my writing–my personal writing. And being ambitious! Talking about the future as if I have a clue. Casually mentioning my novels  as if it’s inevitable that I’ll finish them. When really, in real life, most people don’t even know that I have one–not to mention two–works in progress. Most people don’t even know that I’m pursuing writing.

But here you are, and you might know that. You might know me more than some people I’ve known since the 90s, and that’s weird.

And now there’s 200 of you. That’s what’s this is–a thank you. I know, kind of a weird one, but that’s what this is. Because yeah, it’s weird–so weird–but it’s happening. I’m letting it happen. Letting it be. And I thank you.

I mean, I thank all 200 of the people who decided (for some reason) to click that button and follow me. Honestly, why? Ha, I’m just kidding. Sort of. But mostly, I thank you. I mean, 200 people aren’t going to see this post. Most people that follow me just kind of do it and then that’s the last they see of me. Which brings me back to the question, why? 

But maybe 20 people will read this. Probably 10 people will. And one will be me, and another will be Ashley, and another will be Kassara, and another will be my sister in a few months when she remembers, “Oh yeah, Sammy does that thing on the internet.”

Anyway, I’m talking to you–sister and friends and random people on the internet. You reading this letter. I never expected, well, anything from WordPress, but it has done wonders. It’s boosted my confidence and encouraged me to interact and reach out to others. It’s allowed me to be myself and explore my life and everything I want it to become.

Honestly, this place inspires me. To travel and write and share and connect and live. And it happens to me every day.

And I can just tell that I’m growing, which is something I never really noticed before.

So it’s weird, internet, but it’s a good weird.

I’m just happy you’re here.

And I’m happy I’m here too.

Sincerely,

Sammy

SOMETHING NEW FOR 2015

Dear Reader,

Have you seen those 365-day challenges on Facebook and Instagram? It became kind of a trend where I live and tons of people were posting daily pictures and recaps on social media and then, at the end of the year, they had all these lovely memories to look back on.

Well, I tried it. A few times actually.

I think the longest I lasted was 60 days…

But don’t worry–I’m not trying again! It just got to be a pain for me and I hate pictures enough as is, so the entire project was just not a good idea. But I really love the idea. I mean, so many of my friends have completed it and have this completed project to look back on and really see how everything changed throughout the year.

So I’m going to do something like it.

I’m just going to post weekly updates, and I’m not going to make it absolutely necessary for me to take a picture every single day, but I’m going to try this. I mean, I’ve already been writing on a regular basis lately (in journals and such), and I really need to get over my ridiculous self-conscience issues I have. Plus, I have the 2015 Bucket List to complete. So, I might as well try this out.

And then, at the end of the year, I’ll have 52 posts to help me reflect upon my year.

Sincerely,

Sammy

AN EXPLANATION FOR YESTERDAY

Dear Reader,

I don’t know that this post is necessary to write because I don’t know that there are any people who truly follow and keep up with what I post on this website, but on the off chance that there are, I thought this update was called for.

My first semester classes are all wrapped up–finals week is over. And for one final, I was supposed to publish a piece I had written. I could choose anything I wrote for the class, and there was a long list of publications where I could submit my work, but I decided not to do it. My professor allowed me to turn in a “mock” query letter and submission, but I never sent it out anywhere.

When it came down to it, I wasn’t confident in anything I had written. I couldn’t see my writing in any magazines or literary journals. My lyric essay wasn’t even done yet–and I don’t know that it ever will be. At least in the near future. The subject I picked is an ongoing struggle I face, and there’s no end in sight as far as I’m concerned.

As for my personal essay, I didn’t think it fit any of the publications. My writing isn’t mature, and I felt that this story just wasn’t worth telling quite yet. Who cares about the inner battle I fought during my senior year in high school?

But I had worked hard on it–writing, editing, re-writing, revising. And I was at least somewhat proud of the piece. At the very least, it helped me come to terms with how I truly felt that year, and I’m glad I finally have that story–the true story–written down.

And I decided to share it.

I’ve been sharing more of my writing on here, and even though this one tops 1,000 words, I thought why not? I’m not writing any other posts today. Why not put this out here? 

It’s not a publication–it’s not even a submission–but it’s a step. I shared my work and now it’s out there. It’s a minor victory, but a victory nonetheless.

And that’s the story. That’s the explanation for my seemingly out-of-place post yesterday. If you want, you can read it here, on my blog, where my work will remain until either my confidence or writing improves to a point where I feel comfortable submitting my work.

Maybe that day isn’t as far off as I once thought.

Sincerely,

Sammy

PS. I’m truly loving Luck by The American Authors right now.

 

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO TITLE THIS SO JUST READ IT IF YOU WANT

Dear Reader,

This week has truly been one of the worst of my life. I know that sounds extremely dramatic, and may be troubling to hear, but in all honesty my life has not been terrible. I haven’t had to endure many tragedies or go through anything too awful (that I can think of, at least–unless I’m just repressing some things), so understand that this is all relative.

That being said, this week I have been more tired and stressed than I have ever been before (I kid you not–I fell asleep writing a paper and when I woke up there were some very confusing sentences that lead me to believe that I actually wrote part of it in my sleep). I’ve never felt worse about myself and I’ve never been so close to a nervous breakdown for so long. Everything just seems to build up and, though I’ve let some of it out, I know it’s only a matter of time before something truly pushes me over the edge and I burst.

Now, these are just the lows. I’ve felt this low for a majority of the week, but I’ve also had some highs. I’ve had some wonderful moments this week and I’ve truly laughed much more than usual.

I guess what I’m saying is that this whole week has been one big, draining, emotional roller coaster. But that’s college I suppose.

I promise I do have a point for writing this, though. Something that all of this has done is inspired me to write. I started off the week writing more than usual (just on small projects and my working novels and things like that), but when finals week started approaching faster and faster, I had to put it all on pause. Since then, I’ve had more inspiration than I know what to do with. Everything either reminds me of a character from my book or a potential blog post or a change I could make in my lyric essay. And it’s been really hard not to give in, even though I really don’t have the time to.

So, what I’ve decided to announce, is that I think I’m going to start sharing some of my writing. I don’t know how much within the next week, considering I still have finals to worry about, but I’m going to start putting myself out there. First, probably, with stupid little thoughts I decide to fashion into something creative, but then maybe some personal essays or memoir-type writings and things like that.

Because, honestly, that’s why my blog exists. I’m just writing whatever comes to mind, sharing anything I like, and interacting with people just like me. And people much different from me.

I’m just kind of going in whatever direction I feel like, and this is how I feel right now. And  I just thought I’d let anyone know that wanted to, because this is something I’ve very much looking forward to.

Sincerely,

Sammy

PS. Song of the moment for me is Yellow Flicker Beat by Lorde. It’s from the Mockingjay soundtrack and it’s really hard to listen to without singing along.