LET’S TALK ABOUT MY LOVE LIFE, SHALL WE?

Spoiler alert: it’s still barren.

Dear Reader,

I’ve been reading a lot of books recently. YA novels, to be more specific. I have to read one a week but I’ve sort of become obsessed with reading again so I’m already on book six. (Many reviews to come.)

You want to know what a lot of YA novels have in common, though?

Love stories.

Young love stories.

Stories of kids falling in love so easily and so quickly that adult authors write reviews that say things like, “a first-love story so well remembered and honest that it reminds you what falling in love feels like.”

TIME said that.

Well guess who hasn’t fallen in love.

Yeah, it’s me.

I don’t think back to high school and remember the feeling of being excited when that boy was waiting outside my classroom, ready to walk me to my first class. I can’t recall being asked out on a date or having butterflies when he picked me up. I never fooled around in a basement while his parents were upstairs and I never had anyone worth sneaking out of my house for.

I know I sound really bitter, but I just wish I had those experiences. I wish I had those memories.

You want to know the story of my first kiss?

It was the summer before freshman year of college (I know) and I was in the driver’s seat of my car (I know), dropping off the only guy who ever reciprocated feelings to the same extent as I did (I could get into this in more detail but I’m exhausted by just the thought of explaining this further). He abruptly turned, sort of jumped on me, went for the kiss and missed, pulled away, went for it once more, and missed again. Then, embarassed, muttered “let’s not tell anyone about this,” and quickly left.

I had to drive back to my house while peaking through the gaps between my fingers because I was covering my face with my hands. I cringed the whole way home. I was laughing and rolling my eyes, but I legitimately face-palmed for the fifteen-minute drive home.

We didn’t talk or see each other for a few weeks after that.

Cute little innocent embarrassing story? Maybe when you’re twelve or fourteen. When you’re going on eighteen (or eighteen and a half in his case), it can sort of stunt any romantic progress and prolong your awkward period when it comes to relationships.

So now I’m vicariously living through books.

And I’m reading these books like, how are these girls finding such great guys? And how am I so far different from these girls?

I know they’re characters and they’re fictional stories (except for the one I’m reading now), but it’s weird being in college without having passed these milestones that everyone else seems to have hit ages ago.

It’s similar to when recent grads are applying to jobs but won’t get hired because they don’t have any prior experience and they’re like, okay that makes sense except how am I going to get prior experience if no one will hire me??

That’s me in the dating world right now.

Sincerely,

Sammy

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DESIRE

Dear Reader,

I went to a writing conference this weekend and it was pretty wonderful. My favorite workshop I went to was for writing creative nonfiction and we started with an exercise called “I remember,” which is where you basically just list a bunch of memories in a row and start each sentence the same way:

I remember my love for math but my incapability to be perfect at it.

I remember the fairies that lived in the shoebox in my closet.

I remember how excited I was to move.

After sharing with the person next to us and a few with the entire group, we then had to pick one and go into greater detail with it.

I picked the one about moving and tried really hard to use impressive vocabulary and the most beautiful-sounding descriptors I could think of because the person sitting next to me was one of those people who could describe what her cereal looked like this morning and it would move you to tears.

Then, after some more writing and sharing, we had our third and final exercise: write about a significant event in your life that hasn’t happened yet.

I wracked my brain for only a moment before I knew what I was going to write about: the moment someone tells me they love me.

I thought of a few different scenarios. Walking in the middle of the street underneath the dim street lamps as the snow falls around us. Waking up in bed together and him rolling over to me and whispering those words. A drunken night filled with word vomit and long overdue confessions.

It was as I was writing, though, that I realized I don’t really have any expectations for this moment in my life. It could honestly happen anywhere, at any time, with anyone–there are really no indicators in my life right now that might indicate the where/when/who.

But none of that matters to me–not yet, anyway. I’m sure once it actually happens, it’ll all mean something (and the “who” will definitely be important).

So I jotted down some ideas and daydreamed a bit about all the different scenarios that could play out, when the instructor called our attention and told us to finish up.

Then: Isn’t that a cool exercise? It’s one of my favorites because it can tell you what writers truly desire without directly asking them, and a lot of writing is like that–writing around the subject. You don’t always know what you’re gonna write about until you just do.

I thought about what I had just written. If you had asked me, “What do you most desire?” I wouldn’t have even thought to answer with love–or anything of the sort. Not before some of my dreams like teaching and traveling.

 

But it’s true.

I learned something about myself this weekend and, once again, I learned it through the beauty of writing. And though I’ve been concerned that it hasn’t happened yet–that I’m nineteen years old and that I missed out on experiencing young, dumb, obsessive puppy love. And though I have no potential of a romantic future with anyone I know now, I have hope that it’ll happen for me someday.

Someday, someone will say those words to me. And in that moment I won’t think back to how I felt when I was nineteen. All the desperation and the fear of missing out on something it seems like everyone else is getting to experience.

Someday, someone is going to just look me in the eyes and tell me they love me. They’ll confess that they can’t imagine what it’d be like to not know me–that they can’t fathom a life without me in it. They’ll call me their best friend and their favorite person and every cliche in the book.

And all the while I’ll be grinning like an idiot because I feel the exact same.

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Sincerely,

Sammy

 

{TAG} I LOVE WINTER

Dear Reader,

Enjoy this throwback picture to last winter–one of the best winters we’ve ever had.

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Sooo I wasn’t tagged to do this, but it popped up on my feed one day thanks to the wonderful blogs by Taisie and Fleur. And, for those of you who don’t know, I love winter. I’m obsessed with it. So, this tag was just begging me to complete it–I mean, it was screaming my name. And I’d never done one before, so I thought I might as well start now. Enjoy! And do it for yourself, if you want!

If you need a more formal invitation, well, then, I tag you to do it! Ha!

1. Do you like the cold?

YES. I don’t necessarily like being cold, but I love bundling up so much that only my nose and eyes can be seen and in order to carry on a conversation, I must turn my whole head.

2.Favorite Part About Winter?

Snow. I love snow. Not just the blanket of snow or watching it fall through the window. No, I love standing outside in the snowfall, holding my hands in front of me, watching the little snowflakes make plops all around. I even love twirling around, looking at the sky, pretending like I don’t know where all of this magic is coming from.

3.Favorite Winter Drink? 
Hot chocolate. I don’t ever add peppermint or white chocolate or anything like that in it, I just drink it plain–sometimes with marshmallows. It’s just the perfect winter drink, in my opinion. Simple. Classic. Traditional.

4. Do You Do Any Outdoor Activity’s In The Winter?
I actually go on a ton more walks in the winter, but no one ever wants to go with me. I just love being outside in the winter–which seems to be the exact opposite feeling of that of my friends and family. But it’s also kind of nice to wander around alone, and not really worry about running into too many people you know. And if you do run into them, they’re most likely in a hurry to get someplace warm, so you can be on your way with as much as a “hey, how are you?” And if they’re not in a rush, then you’ve found yourself another winter enthusiast. It’s a win-win.

5.Favorite Winter Scent?
Pine trees. Warm vanilla. Gingerbread. Homemade cooking. Ahhh the many marvelous scents of winter.

6.Does It Snow Where You Live?
Yes and thank goodness it does. For a few months, the whole world where I live changes color. It’s amazing.

7.Favorite Clothing Item In Winter?
Everything. I layer it all. I wear sweaters and vests and chunky scarves and hats and winter boots with leggings and knit socks. Perfection.

8.Your Favorite Winter Memory?
Winter includes so many favorite memories from my childhood. Skiing with my Canadian family, snow-tubing with my cousins from Ohio, going to the lights at the zoo and getting free chocolate as a treat. But this winter, I’m going to make some of the best memories yet. This winter’s definitely going to be one for the books.

Sincerely,

Sammy

PS. I find this song fitting for this post. Have you guys seen the McDonald’s White Chocolate Mocha commercial? Well, as it turns out, their little jingle is actually a full song. And I love it. It’s called Keep Me Warm by Erin Bowman and I definitely recommend checking it out.

5 Favorite YouTube Videos: Inspirational

I am a big fan of YouTube. I spend much of my time on this website, watching hours of people I wish I knew take on adventures I wish I could be a part of. Most days, I live vicariously through them. Hoping one day I’ll have my turn.

But that’s no way to live.

And every once in a while I’ll come across a video that makes me shut me laptop (sometimes even power it all the way down), and do something productive. Have an adventure of my own. And some videos just give me a fresh perspective on life, or hope for the future. Something that shows that we’re doing something right.

So I wanted to share some of these videos.

Press Play, Smile. 

Too often we find ourselves in a world of negativity. A world where celebrating is synonymous for making risky decisions that can steer a good life down a nasty path. This filmmaker took his camera into his hometown, Cape Cod, South Africa, and found some positivity to share with the world.

“Stop listening to answer and just listen to understand that your time here is worth celebrating. Looking at your life as an outsider, it’s more beautiful than you could ever imagine. Embrace it.”

What Teachers Make

The first video is Taylor Mali presenting this live, and the second is more of a lyric video with his powerful speech playing in the background. I’m probably biased because I want to become a teacher, but I think this is so wonderful and perfect. Everyone should watch this video.

“I make parents see their children for who they are and who they can be… Let me break it down for you so you KNOW what I say is true. I make a difference, now what about you?”

Jessica’s “Daily Affirmation”

In just 50 seconds, young Jessica gives one of the best pep talks I’ve ever heard in my life.

“I. Like. My. Whole. HOUSE. My whole house is great. I can do anything good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

Ellen Page Joins HRCF’s Time to Thrive Conference

Ellen Page gave this speech on Valentine’s Day, announcing to the world that she is gay. I can’t say anything better, myself, so I suggest watching the 8-minute video or reading the transcript that is linked in the bio. It’s worth it.

“I am young, yes, but what I have learned is that love, the beauty of it, the joy of it and yes, even the pain of it, is the most incredible gift to give and to receive as a human being. And we deserve to experience love fully, equally, without shame and without compromise.”

Look Up

You’ve probably seen this video. After all, it’s gotten over 43 million views in the two months it’s been on YouTube. But that’s simply because it’s brilliant. We live in this world where technology is brainwashing us to believe this new definition of “social.” Social media is not all that social when you can’t interact with the people next to you or the entertain the children before you without a screen as a distraction.

“I took a step back and opened my eyes. I looked around and realized that this media we call social is anything but, when we open our computers and it’s our doors we shut.”

So those are five of my favorite videos to watch when I’m looking for inspiration, or just looking to smile. I hope you enjoyed, if you decided to take a few moments and watch one or two. Let me know if there are any others I should check out, as well, and thanks for sticking until the end.

Sincerely,

Sammy