Dear Reader,

I have not always been the best student. In high school, I made a point not to disclose my dreams of becoming a teacher because I was pretty sure my own teachers would laugh in my face.

I was the kid who constantly under-achieved. Who never turned in homework. Who skipped test days because I was unprepared.

I mean, not all of them. I still excelled in certain classes and I guess I did well enough to get an honors diploma (although I might as well be living proof that getting that sticker on your diploma is not that hard to do and is virtually pointless.)

Anyway, my point that I’m trying to come to is that I’ve gotten better. But we all have relapses, and this morning I skipped my 8am.


Because I was having a great dream when my first alarm went off at 7:20. If I had gotten up then, I would have just enough time to do everything I needed to do–get dressed (and look presentable enough to take my new passport picture after class), brush my teeth, go to King Cafe and get some coffee and maybe even a breakfast sandwich.

Mind you, it takes me FOREVER to get ready in the morning.

But I rolled back over and closed my eyes, wanting to return to my wonderful dream for only a moment.

And you know what I dreamt? I dreamt that I was getting ready.

I went through EVERYTHING that my morning routine consists of and then I walked to–not King–but Starbucks! And I splurged on a carmel latte and breakfast sandwich and it all looked so good and it was so realistic and then they called my name and smiled at me, about to present to me my glorious food–

and my alarm went off.


I was going to be late to class AND I would have to repeat everything I just did (not really, but still) AND I wouldn’t even have time for coffee OR a sandwich.

And then I’d have to sit through 2 hours of linguistics with my mean teacher who loves calling on random people even though none of us anything because she doesn’t teach.

Yeah, no thanks.

So I skipped. And it was a dumb reason, but (although I don’t regret it), it got me thinking about all of the other dumb reasons I’ve skipped class before.

And then I compiled the list and decided to share it with you.



  • my bed was warm (outside of it was cold)
  • overslept
  • talked myself into thinking going would be pointless
  • didn’t do homework
  • forgot I had class
  • had a panic attack
  • forgot to show the night before
  • I didn’t have any clean pants
  • food poisoning (that was fun)
  • crying
  • to study for another class (lol)
  • kept having nose bleeds

(I actually emailed my professor about that last one and she was SUPER understanding, so that was cool)

That’s all I have, and hopefully I don’t add any more reasons to list any time soon. I mean, some of them are actually valid, but others…just…smh.

Anyway, I’m trying to be better.

We’ll just forget about today.



PS. Can we all just take a second to be impressed that “hungover” didn’t make the list? Thank you.



Dear Reader,

A good friend of mine and I always joke about how part of the reason why we’re such good friends is because of our obsessive nature. I think that’s a recurring theme with people in our generation–the tendency to become immediate fangirls when finding new things that peak your interest.

At this point in my life, there are many things that I’m mildly obsessed with–that all of a sudden seem to occupy large parts of my brain–which is a little worrisome. I mean, surely they’re taking up space that could be used for my Linguistics class or for memories that I’m forgetting.

I don’t know, I think about memory a lot because mine seems to be so bad. (Side note, apparently this is an effect/symptom/personality trait of people with ADHD. So that’s fun.) (Double side note: sorry for the sporadic nature of this post. I think both my coffee and medication just kicked in at once, which almost always leads to word vomit such as this).

Anyway, I decided to make a list of my current obsessions. To spread the love, you know?


Hamilton the Musical: This has been getting a lot of hype recently and this morning, I finally understood why. Sarah had me listen to a few songs (beginning with Helpless/Satisfied which is perfection) and then she explained the rest of the musical to me and we both swooned over the voice Jonathan Groff and it was beautiful.

Drunk History: What educational fun! I mean, who knew that Woodrow Wilson had a stroke and his wife had to run everything for his last years of his presidency and was basically the first woman to become president?? Not me! Until I watched that episode of Drunk History.

Tumblr/Journaling: Ugh. I love Tumblr. I have one that’s primarily funny and fandom reblogs and another that’s more personal and is just soothing or thought-provoking or just makes me happy to look at. This one inspires a lot of my (handwritten) journal entries and makes me feel artistic, even though I’m really not.

I do really need to organize them, though, and change up the formats a little bit. They’ve been the same way for years.

Jim and Pam: I’ve been re-watching The Office and oh my god, Jim and Pam. They give me true hope that I will someday fall in love with someone who is my best friend and makes even the most mundane tasks worthwhile and just makes my world a better place to live in. Them being fictional might be giving me unrealistic expectations, but I love them nonetheless. And honestly, I just really want to find my own John Krasinski.

Thinking about the Future: I have a lot of things going for me right now and when I look to the future, I’m really excited. Growing up is terrifying, but I feel like I’m at a point right now where I don’t have to worry about being 100% on my own, and I can still be young and stupid and make worthwhile memories that I’ll tell, I don’t know, somebody someday.

Today is just a really good day, you guys. It’s beautiful and sunny with a nice breeze and Sarah’s here with me and we have plans to visit our niece and cousin’s baby tomorrow and I’m sitting in the suite with the windows open and my Lolla playlist going and I just know good things are going to happen.





Dear Reader,

I’ve never been filthy rich, but I’ve always liked to think that I’d be pretty good at it. And since entering college, I’ve realized how much there is out there that I have no hopes of buying. Don’t get me wrong–I’m fortunate enough to afford things like college, and I work hard for my money at school and in the summer, but with sites like Pinterest and Wanelo, it’s hard for a girl not to dream.


So here are five things that I really wish I had the money to buy:


The Barisieur

This product is an alarm clock that wakes you up with a fresh cup of coffee. Genius, right? Whereas I have to wake up every day to the obnoxious “alarm” sound on my iPhone (and even still, I often sleep through it), I could wake up to the smell of coffee. Plus, it would prohibit me from sleeping in because I obviously wouldn’t want my coffee to get cold!


Desk Treadmill

I probably spend over 5 hours every day on the computer–some days way more. I mean, between schoolwork, writing, my blog, my journal (which is on my Google drive) and then things like YouTube and Pinterest, this laptop gets a lot of use. But if I had this desk, I swear I’d be so in shape. Maybe $950 isn’t so pricey after all…

(Just kidding, I’m still broke)


A Bus

Okay this one doesn’t have a link because I have no idea how to even go about buying a bus, but I have always wanted to buy an old school bus, take out some of the seats and pimp it out, and then just drive across the country with really cool people. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll make this dream a reality (but probably not because paying for the gas alone would wipe out my bank account).



The Right Arm

Yes, I know how lazy I am, but this would come in so handy! (Is that a pun?) It’s  $100 though and I don’t even have an iPad of my own, so this won’t be in my virtual shopping cart any time soon.


Sheepskin Beanbag

And the most expensive thing I found a price for: a sheepskin beanbag (it’s $1,200 you guys). If only I had that kind of money to blow. I’d watch netflix on the iPad for hours before bed, sleep all night on this thing, wake up to a delicious cup of coffee, spend the day getting well over the recommended 10,000 steps while simultaneously completely all of my work, and then my sister and I would tour the country on a tricked out bus.

If only I were rich.




(Bonus): Backyard Roller Coaster

Alright, I don’t care that I’m almost 19 and don’t even have a backyard to put this in–you have to admit that this is pretty cool.


Sorry if this doesn’t live up to the unexpected hype.

Inspired by this article:

  1. I envy you for being able to fill up Facebook albums with good picture after good picture, when I spend my days untagging myself and hiding photos on my timeline.
  2. I don’t hate pictures. I hate myself.
  3. I wish I could jump in front of the camera as easily as you. I really do.
  4. I’m sorry that I cancel on you so much but some days I feel too hideous to leave my room.
  5. I don’t ever do this for attention. I don’t call myself ugly or fat to try and fish for compliments.
  6. In fact, some days I hate your compliments. I don’t know how to react. I can’t just accept it and move on when I know it’s not the truth.
  7. More than anything do I wish I could just believe you when you tell me I’m pretty or thin, but I can’t help but think that you’re lying. There’s no way you’re seeing something different than what I see in the mirror.
  8. And let me tell you: the mirror changes everything. I could be having a great day, but then I’ll pass by a window or a bus will drive by and I’ll catch some sort of reflection.
  9. I’m happiest when I can completely forget what I look like.
  10. I can’t stop myself from constantly comparing myself to those around me.
  11. I know beauty isn’t everything. Believe me, sometimes I hate my personality even more than the way I look. My self esteem issues aren’t just skin-deep.
  12. I also know that beauty is important. And when I’m standing around talking to no one when all the girls around me are chatting up someone cute, the first thing I blame is the way I look.
  13. It’s also the first thing I blame when I reflect upon the lack of interest guys express towards me.
  14. I hate being insecure. I don’t believe it’s cute or naive or humble that I don’t think I’m beautiful. I know that it’s weak and stupid and it’s just another thing I hate about myself.
  15. I have a list of physical features I despise about myself. And every time you make a comment about one of them, it’s burned into my brain.
  16. Trust me, I didn’t discover my cankles or knock knees or flat feet or weird hairline on my own. Someone pointed each of these out to me.
  17. That being said, new discoveries are now fairly easy for me to make, all by myself.
  18. Trust me, if I thought going to group or talking about it would help, I would.
  19. But for the record, I don’t think it would. The only solution I can possibly think of involves changing almost everything about me.
  20. I will never expect you to understand me and why I feel like this as I don’t think I even understand myself.


Dear Reader,

I don’t know about many of you, but for me, blogging is this weird but wonderful outlet where I can be creative and reflective, but still social and interactive. In that way, it’s different than a journal, but it still has many qualities of one.

My friend Ashley (CollegewithAshley) and I were talking about this the other day and, while we both agreed we’d probably never be the people to share our blog posts on our Facebook pages, we have to admit that our writing isn’t necessarily private.

And I guess it never really had that intent. The first people I told were close friends from home, and I told them it was a secret. It even took a month before I told Sarah. But now I find myself casually bringing it up in conversation and sending a link to my sorority sisters. And Ashley’s parents read hers, which is a day my blog may never see.

So it’s true: this is the censored version of me. The one who never cusses and tries to cut herself off around 500 words. (You should see my journal–I ramble on aimlessly for pages and it’s a rare day when I don’t drop the F-bomb. )

So why am I telling you this?

Specifically, because of what I’m going to post tomorrow.

I am very unsure of who I am, but I try to use my writing to help me. Writing brings me clarity. It helps me understand and explain my often misunderstood thoughts. It’s often hard for me to voice exactly how I feel, but when I’m writing, things are easier.

So tomorrow I will be posting a list of things I wish I could tell people. A list that I wrote in February after reading this article, but never posted because I thought of the people that would inevitably read it. Of Jaden and Kassara and Ashley and my sister and who knows who else.

But when it comes down to it, this list was one of the most reflective things I’ve done, and I’d like to share it. I’d like to be able to tell my closest friends things I’m only now admitting to myself and I’d like to share it with strangers on the internet who might just feel the same way.

I don’t know, maybe this’ll all make more sense when I post the list. Maybe you’ll know then why it scares me so much to publish this entry and the next. Because I’m so terrified of being this vulnerable. Because I’m so scared of even the people closest to me seeing who I really am. How I really think.

But I guess there’s no going back now.




Hello dear reader,

It is 2:53 on a Friday morning and I am taking a short study break while waiting for my laundry. The last entry I posted a few days ago was about how these next few posts are going to be happy. So, continuing with the theme, I have decided to make a list of what to do if you’re sad. (Also, side note: I just put it under the category of “Top 10” because I love lists. So I might start making posts like top 10 songs, top 10 awesome moments that happened this month, top 10 best pickup lines I wish someone used on me. We’ll see how it goes.)

Now, when I think of the feeling “sad,” I divide it into two subcategories. There’s the feeling of sadness where you just want to watch films that end happily, but are so gut-wrenching in the middle that you bawl your eyes out into your carton of cookies and cream ice cream. When you want to listen to playlist after playlist of sad songs that tug at your heart strings and pull the tears from your eyes. When you want to analyze every sense of the feeling and embrace it all.

Then there’s when you feel sad but you want to get better. You’re far from the self-pitying mood and just want to be happy again.

Here’s me top 10 favorite things to do when I’m in that mood:

1. Listen to happy songs. Inspiring songs. Optimistic songs. Stupid pop songs that are just enough in your range that you sound fabulous singing along. Songs that remind you of fond memories and happy days. I recommend songs that remind you of summer (One Republic always does it for me) or your childhood (the Barenaked Ladies bring me back. Cheetah Girls too.) OOH and never underestimate a good Disney song. Phil Collins, man. Enough said.

2. Workout. Sure, you might feel like death during it, and you might look like death afterwards, but you’ll feel great when it’s over. I actually haven’t found many feelings better than that of pride when you’ve accomplished a hard workout. And, sure, the next day you may hate every staircase you encounter, but there’s something so gratifying about feeling sore.

3. Go out into the world. There is so much to see. So much right outside your window. Find some woods, or a path that’s hidden away somewhere. Admire the architecture of the buildings you pass on a daily basis. Watch a sunrise or sunset–two of the most breathtaking events that we get to witness on this Earth and they happen every day. Search for the beauty and you should be able to find it without much effort.

Helpful hint: dress appropriately. Winter is stunning. Everything is coated in a layer of pure white, and if you’re up early enough and are lucky enough to catch the world when it’s pristine, you’re golden. That being said, it’s not going to be much fun to stare at the snow if all you can think about is your purple fingers and the lasting effects of frostbite. So just be smart. Wear tons of layers when it’s freezing, opt for a sundress or not shirt (if you’re a dude) when it’s hot and humid. The world and it’s natural elements are beautiful, sometimes you’ve just got to prepare accordingly and endure it to witness it.

4. Puppies. If you have one at your disposal–perfect! And actually, all animals can work for this one. Just snuggle up to your choice of cuddly companion and channel all your love into them. I choose dogs and puppies because I feel their love to be best reciprocated, but if you have a friendly cat or ferret or cow or what have you, by all means go for it.

If you’re like me and you don’t have your best animal friend with you at the moment, I present to you the next best thing: Cheri’s Preferred Puppies 24 Hour Puppy Webcam.

I am currently near a town by the name of Hamilton. In said town there is a pet shop that literally displays their puppies in the window. As if driving past that wasn’t the highlight of my day, I came home to discover that these puppies’ lives are broadcast at every hour of every day. I’m happy to report that they are currently awake and playful as ever.

Disclaimer: this may make you feel more sad–especially if you don’t have a  dog. It might make you wish you want one and you might end up feeling lonelier than ever. Just be careful.

5. Read. Sometimes I use this as a last resort. If you can’t find anything to make your own world joyful, why not enter a fictional one? Now, I wouldn’t exactly opt for 1984  or The Hunger Games. Some nostalgic books from my past are always good, though. They’re like old friends that you’ve shared all these memories with and when you go to revisit them, you find they haven’t changed. It’s refreshing. So, I’d choose maybe a book from the Magic in Manhattan or The Wedding Planner’s Daughter series, or possible a comic book like Calvin and Hobbes or Garfield. Oooh or Not Quite a Bride! I LOVED that book!

6. Write. Sometimes I’ll turn to my journal or blog (as you guys knows) and just rant. Sometimes this helps, sometimes I still feel sad. In that case, I often turn to my novel. Something that inspires me. Just another effective method I use to escape reality.

7. Be productive. Clean you room. Do your homework. Organize your closet. Make a list and check it off. Then you can just sit there, content and accomplished.

8. Play music. I am forever thankful that I know how to play instruments. Sometimes all I need is just a quick jam sesh–singing at the top of my lungs and banging along on the piano. I just have to remember to check and be sure that I’m home alone.

Disclaimer: Similar to #1, this is all about the music. I enjoy playing and singing along to “Can’t Help Falling in Love With You” and “First Day of my Life.” One time my sister was in the hospital and I was terrified, so I sat at the piano and went through all of the songs in my repertoire. As soon as I got into the chorus of “The Funeral” by Band of Horses, though, I had to stop. I was sobbing. Seriously–ugly crying. Music is powerful. Proceed with caution.

9. Volunteer. Okay, volunteering is wonderful and helpful and very much appreciated, but I’m about to be selfish here. Volunteering feels so good. How I felt after working a soup kitchen is one of the single best feelings I’ve had in my entire life. I can’t perfectly explain it, and you might not understand until you do it, but there’s something about giving back that feels amazing. It’s like how on Christmas, you’re sometimes happier watching a loved one open their gift from you than you are when you open your gift from them.

So it sounds selfish for me to say that I love volunteering because it helps me feel good, but it does! Of course, there are other major perks, but the feeling I get after giving back is almost indescribable. So if you’ve been sad for a while now, sign up to volunteer at a soup kitchen or help abandoned or abused dogs find a home. Just help out in the community, even if the sole purpose is to make yourself feel better. Whatever gets volunteers on board works for most organizations.

10. Something to make you smile. This might be too broad to end on, but here’s what I mean: when I’m sad and don’t want to be anymore, sometimes feeling better is as simple as looking around. I keep a list of my favorite things on my desktop. I have lists of funny memories and inside jokes I share with my friends on my phone. I have saved messages and snaps that have been screenshot that are pure gold. Sometimes it’s as simple as creeping on yourself. Go back in time on your twitter or Facebook or tumblr and find old updates and things that once made you laugh. Just taking a trip down memory lane can sometimes remind you that there was once so much light in your life. It’s bound to return sometime.

Disclaimer: The past sometimes hurts as much as it helps. Reading old messages with people who’ve changed or people who’ve lost contact with you has never proven to me to be a good idea. Again, proceed with caution.

The most important thing, I find, is know yourself. Know how you’re feeling and know how to change your own mood. These are tried and true methods that work for me, but if you hate writing or can’t play music, find something else! If you don’t have a hobby, start now! I learned how to knit last week and it would probably be #11 on this list if I had made it any longer.

If I had to give myself advice, I’d say this is the perfect 10 things to do to feel happy again. But, if you’re reading this, there’s probably about a 50% chance you’re not me. So just try a few out, or find other quick sources of happiness in your life.

Just remember: no matter how bleak things may seem, they can always turn around. And they will if you want them to. That may not be any consolation, but if you’ve stuck with me this far, I’m sure you do want them to. Just have faith and reassurance that tomorrow you can start anew. You can control your own happiness.



PS: This is one of my current favorite songs to sing: Text Me In The Morning – Neon Trees