IF WE WERE HAVING COFFEE [9/1/2015]

Dear Reader,

If we were having coffee, we’d probably be in King Cafe, because that’s where I always seem to be these days. Also, I’m a broke college student again, so I wouldn’t want to go Uptown to a real coffee shop and spend “real people money.”

So we’d sit down at a table in the back of the cafe and we might start by asking the obligatory questions. “How was your summer? Did you do anything fun? How much do you love being back in Oxford?” And I’d probably give you the same answers I’ve been giving everyone else. Summer was alright. I went to Hilton Head, which was kind of cool. And then I just nannied for the last little bit, which was nice because the boys were great and the money was prime. But yeah, I really missed being in Oxford. I’m glad I’m back.

And of course I would ask you about your summer as well, which was probably a lot better than mine.

Once we got past the small talk, we’d probably seamlessly transition into talking about school, but I wouldn’t mind that at all. I’d tell you, with probably too much enthusiasm, how excited I am for my classes this year. How I’m reading Shakespeare and studying rhetoric and learning about ways to promote literacy in my future classroom. And my teachers are awesome–the kind that I can learn not only material from, but actual teaching methods as well.

At this point, I’d ask you about your classes, and I promise that the enthusiasm I’d have for this conversation is genuine. Because every year at the same time I get really excited about learning. Really passionate. To the point where I’ll re-memorize the state capitals and try to teach myself Spanish. It’s why September is my favorite month of the year. It’s why every year seems to start so strong, and why every year I have a renewed sense of hope. I probably wouldn’t admit this to you, but I’d be thinking in the back of my mind how badly I hope that this year, the passion doesn’t fade. That this year will be different.

If we were having coffee, I’d have to tell you about my recent obsessions. Like my “Spotify & Chill” playlist, which is basically just a ton of songs that remind me of being in a coffee shop. And I’d obviously have to bring up Avatar: The Last Airbender, because I just finished the series yesterday. I wouldn’t mention my obsession for this show with just everyone, but you wouldn’t think that it’s weird. Or maybe you would, but you would at least tolerate me as I chatter on about how this show can make me laugh out loud, but also break my heart–and then repair it again. And then I’d probably have to tell you that I’m pretty sure I’ve decided I would want to be a waterbender, but airbending is still very much in the running. And you might be a bit concerned at how often I think about what I would do with certain airbending skills, but you would sit there and entertain the idea with me.

It’s at this point in the conversation that I realize how much more I have to tell you, but I’m going to hold onto it for another day. There are some things that I want to tell you–that I want to tell the world–but I’m going to wait. Maybe because I’m “not ready,” but I don’t think it’s that dramatic. I think that sometimes it’s just good to wait.

Still, I’ll have finished my iced caramel latte, and my mind will revert back from thinking about Avatar to thinking about the mile-long “to do” list waiting for me in my dorm–and I’m sure you’re incredible busy, too. So we’d say our goodbyes and recycle our cups, because good company and planet Earth are equally great.

Sincerely,

Sammy

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WHY AM I HERE? [1 YEAR BLOGIVERSARY]

Dear Reader,

I’ve known for a while that this one-year mark was approaching, but it seems weird that it’s finally here. Especially since I haven’t been on WordPress or Bloglovin or really anything in a while. And a big reason for that is because lately I’ve felt stuck. Ideas for blog posts will come to me, and some I’ll start writing out to see where they go, but they always leave me with the same feeling. And the same questions.

Why am I sharing this?

And why am I here?

I mean, who is reading this anyway?

And sure, some of that stems from my problems with self confidence. When you see yourself in a poor light, it can be downright mind-boggling that anyone gives so much as five minutes from their day just to read something you feel inclined to share with the internet. Especially when there is so much going on! Just on this website alone, I’ve felt that my content doesn’t really match that of my peers. But going against the whole internet, you start to wonder why anyone would click on your  book reviews and random findings and rambling reflections of my life when there are real people doing really cool things. You start to think, why am I sharing this anyway?

Still, I sat down to write a 1-year blogiversary post mostly because it would just feel wrong not to. And it brought me back to the beginning. One year ago me, sitting at this very same computer, talking about what kind of character I want to be in this story that I’m writing.

And while this story has a long way to go, and this character has a lot (lot) more developing to do, things are happening. Changes are occurring. And I’m excited to continue and share them on here, because I do have answers to those questions. I’m here for me. I am using this blog to grow and learn more about myself and share my findings. And who’s reading this? Sure, my friends. My sister. Strangers on the internet. But who cares? That’s just a bonus–the likes and comments and socializing with people who I’d never have a chance to interact with otherwise. But it’s a pretty big bonus. There are some freicken cool people on this website, and I’m glad I get the chance to be among them, even in the smallest of ways.

So what is this post? A babbling mess? An excuse for why I haven’t been posting lately? A birthday present to my blog? Maybe it’s all of that, and maybe it’s nothing. Maybe I’ll hit “publish” and no one will read it and I’ll never look at it again, but that’s fine. Like I said, I’m learning more about myself through this weird website, and sometimes I just need to word vomit onto a page of the internet.

But that’s just me. And for a year now, WordPress has allowed me to do just that.

So maybe it’s clear now that this little corner of the internet doesn’t exactly showcase the best writing of our generation. Or make the most remarkable revelations or insights. Or even stay updated on a regular basis. But it’s here, and I’m glad. Because it won’t be going anywhere for a long time.

Sincerely,

Sammy

IF WE WERE HAVING COFFEE [5/29/2015]

Dear Reader,

If we were having coffee, you would be my best friend. Because you would know that all I need right now is a caramel frappuccino and maybe a muffin. And you would know to take me to a coffee shop no closer than 30 minutes from my house because I need to get out of this place. And you would absolutely know to steer me to the most comfortable, cushioned chairs by the window because we would be there for a while. Because I really need to vent.

If we were having coffee, I’d first tell you about when I went to Target today. How, on an impulse, I leaped from my bed and ran after my mother as she called “goodbye,” just to make her take me with her. And how I wasn’t going to buy anything, but then realized how much I actually do need (Target does that to you), and how I spent almost $100. But I’d tell you how my card kept declining, so my mother ended up paying–after I promised that I’d pay her back.

I’d tell you about how I got into the car and opened up my Huntington app, only to realize that I didn’t have close to $1,000 on it like I had thought. Instead, I was down to less than $70. I’d tell you how my heart sank as I slowly pieced together that these latest purchases were not made by me. I’d tell you how we drove to the nearest Huntington, my mind racing, thinking of this anonymous thief who just dropped $450 of my money at Urban Outfitters. I’d tell you how I sat, motionless, on the other side of the desk, as the Huntington manager calculated that this person had spent over $700 in the two days they had my information.

I’d assure you that everything’s okay now. That, somehow, I’ll be reimbursed for this money because I filled out the forms for fraud. And even though I don’t know how this person got my information or who they are or how to prevent this in the future, it’s okay.

Then I’d have to change the subject because I can’t talk about this anymore.

So we’d talk about you and your summer and how things have been going on your end. And if you’re anything like my other friends, you’d tell me all about your travels and you’d show me your instagram account, full of pictures of you moving from one exotic location to the next. You’d tell me about your adventures and I’d absent-mindedly sip my drink until the last drop, listening intently to all of your fascinating stories. I’d probably laugh and say that the craziest thing about my summer so far is the failure of a party that Sean and I threw. Then I’d shake my head because I don’t really want to talk about that either.

If we were having coffee, I’d stretch my legs out onto the coffee table (don’t mind that I haven’t shaved in a while), and talk about how excited I am for the future–because that’s really the only good thing I’ve got going for me right now. That’s really the only thing I love to talk about–because it can be anything, and it can be wonderful. And my life right now is just boring, and everything I do feels like a waste of time.

But I’d tell you about my dreams. And how I hope right now that I’ll save up enough money to buy myself a nice video camera for Christmas and document the year of 2016. Sarah’s graduation and my summer in Luxembourg and who knows where else that year will take me.

I would tell you all of this if we were having coffee, and I hope that once I was done blabbing on, you would make me get in the car and drive out to some place really cool that I’ve never been before, and force me to actually have one of these adventures that I always plan but never execute.

And then before we part ways, you would pick a date for the next time we can get coffee together. And you’d tell me I’d better have a better story than that lame one about the time when my parents caught us in the aftermath of a party.

Sincerely,

Sammy

I’M LOVING BLOGLOVIN’

<a href=”http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/13598767/?claim=hnxdfs7hky2″>Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>

Dear Reader,

During my year or exploration here on WordPress, I’ve come across “bloglovin” many times. But it wasn’t until yesterday that I decided to take a look for myself.

And let me tell you, I should’ve done this a long time ago.

So far, Bloglovin appears to me as a mixture of Pinterest and WordPress. It makes it easier to read from your favorite blogs and keep up with your favorite bloggers, as well as organize your favorites so you can revisit them.

I only joined yesterday, but I was really surprised and flattered to find that my blog was already on it (even though it only had one follower). Still, I’m glad to have found this website and thought I’d share the joy.

Sincerely,

Sammy