One of my twitter drafts reads “I am terrible at life for the same reason I am terrible at beer pong: no follow through.” I’m not quite sure why I haven’t actually tweeted it but I guess that’s another prime example of me not finishing what I’ve started.
I’m hoping this is something that people can relate to, but more than that, I hope this is something that people could help me fix, because it’s honestly awful.
If you’ve been following me for a while, I’m sure you’ve noticed random projects here and there that I have just let die. I love making bucket lists. I love making resolutions. I love waking up on Sunday mornings and planning out a productive week. But every time the project is abandoned or simply not completed by the time the summer, the year, or the week ends.
I just can’t–or don’t–follow through. And it’s been a recurring theme since I was little. My brother used to make bets with me that I wouldn’t finish things like the books I started or the neighborhood newspaper I was trying to get going. I still have a vivid memory of having to pay him 50 cents because I bet him that I would finish my meal at a restaurant. Of all things it was the salad that did me in. (Sidenote: I know 50 cents is nothing but it was the principle of the thing that makes this memory such a standout in my mind.)
The reason why I’m writing about this today is because I started writing a new book last night. To be fair, the beginning is always so fun because you get to create all these different characters and you can spend tons of time going over names and possible symbolism (see yesterday’s post), but I’m worried that this is just going to derail me from other projects I have that I should be spending my time on.
My friend just shared her book with me–her finished, developed, edited book–and that alone is so impressive. It kind of inspired me this past week to revisit the book I started writing my senior year of high school (that I haven’t worked on since April 2015) and I’ve been really enjoying it. The main reason why it was abandoned in the first place was because of all the damn research I had to do for it. One of the characters was pregnant and another had Cystic Fibrosis so I was writing pages on pages of notes about symptoms and concerns and what it must feel like to be a teenage mom-in-waiting and a young girl who’s life consists of hospital visits. Then by the time the research was basically complete, I had abandoned yet another project.
But the thing about me isn’t only that I never complete what I start, but I always come back to it too. I’ve come back to half-written songs, half-written stories, half-edited videos, half-developed ideas, and I’ve gotten to work again. Still, probably about 80% of everything I start goes unfinished.
So I don’t know. Maybe this is just foreshadowing. Maybe in a week and a half I’ll miss a post for this blog-everyday-of-August thing and I’ll link back to this and say SEE?!? Or maybe someone will comment and say something insightful and change me life. (Don’t worry, I’m not actually expecting that–I would never put that much pressure on anyone.)
I don’t know. But at least now this blog post is finished.
4 thoughts on “EVERYTHING I DO IS UNFINISHED”
Samantha (btw loved the name post yesterday😉) you should totally read Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin, it’s all about how to develop habits but the entire first part of the book is all about figuring how what kind of person you are!! I am totally a starter like you and not completely a finisher. I love the thrill of buying a new journal for some new fad I’m into, I love making lists for things I want to do, and etc. I eventually give up on the unimportant ones but I typically stick to those that are important to me. So that’s how I try and look at it….its v important that you recognize this about yourself! Miss u pretty ❤️
Oh my gosh I REAAALLY need to read that book already haha can I borrow it when we get back to school?? And I think that’s true–the more you learn about yourself the more you can figure out about faults and the problems you face. We’re both pretty similar, too, I think. Miss u Ash ❤
Oh Sammy, you’re not the only one. Sometimes I wonder how some people can be so damn productive and I’m sitting over here trying to finish what I started in the first place. I’ve discovered,in my case, that I spend too much time thinking and not enough time doing. When I think too much about a project, I get super overwhelmed and get it in my head that I couldnt possibly do all that work. Writing a book, something I aim to do someday, terrifies me because of how Long it might take. I’m really good at being productive on a short term scale, but not on a Long term scale so Im trying to work on living more in the moment and focusing on the task at hand rather than the long-term. I totally understand where you’re coming from. With some time and patience and practice you’ll get better at completing all of your goals. 🙂
Thank you so much for this comment–it feels good to know I’m not alone, especially when seeing others who ARE crazy good at being productive. I really relate to what you said, too, about being productive short term but being really bad at it long term! I think that’s where the abandoning of projects happens. Hopefully we’ll both get better with some time and practice 🙂