I am sorry.
I am so
Because I have something called inattentive ADHD
and that makes me the most annoying,
person on the face of the Earth.
It’s the equivalent of “first world problems”
as far as I’m concerned.
It’s not a mental illness.
It’s not a learning disability.
It’s a disorder,
which simply means,
it’s an “abnormal mental condition.”
But I can’t.
Writing about it.
So I apologize to you,
because I don’t know how you do it.
I don’t know why you follow me.
But I’m also going to warn you.
My blog might just fill up with
post after post–
And you might be sitting there
with REAL problems.
And you might HATE me.
But I hate me, too.
tonight has been a roller coaster ride of emotions.
I’ve been writing for HOURS
trying to figure out what I wanted to say.
But I’ve come to this conclusion:
I am going to post this tonight.
And tomorrow, I’m going to talk about why I cried in class today.
And the day after that,
I might talk about all of the characteristics that I possess
that doctors tell me are “symptoms.”
And then in a few weeks, I’ll probably tell you how my new therapist is,
because Lord knows I’m going back to therapy.
And I’m going to talk about ADHD,
but enough to probably make you want to reach through the computer screen,
grab ahold of my throat,
“your life is not that bad!”
“those revelations are not that big!”
But I’m going to keep writing anyway.
I’m going to use this blog for me.
And I’m going to try and help myself,
even if I keep going back and forth between deciding if I really need it.
Or if I really deserve it.
Because I understand if you’re tired
of me just blabbing on and on about ADHD,
but I’m tired too.
I’m tired of blinking back tears in class and in the library and in the suite
I’m so tired that sometimes I just let go and let them fall.
I’m tired of being this person,
and I need to turn to writing again,
and try to help myself.
I want to use this blog,
this one thing I created,
as a place where I can talk through some things
I don’t know
just try to be better.