IT’S BEEN A ROUGH NIGHT

 

 

 

Dear Reader,

I am sorry.

I am so

sorry.

Because I have something called inattentive ADHD

and that makes me the most annoying,

obnoxious,

person on the face of the Earth.

It’s the equivalent of “first world problems”

as far as I’m concerned.

It’s not a mental illness.

It’s not a learning disability.

It’s a disorder,

which simply means,

it’s an “abnormal mental condition.”

But I can’t.

Stop.

Writing about it.

So I apologize to you,

dear reader,

because I don’t know how you do it.

I don’t know why you follow me.

But I’m also going to warn you.

 

My blog might just fill up with

post after post–

ADHD this,

ADHD that.

And you might be sitting there

with REAL problems.

And you might HATE me.

But I hate me, too.

You see,

tonight has been a roller coaster ride of emotions.

I’ve been writing for┬áHOURS

trying to figure out what I wanted to say.

But I’ve come to this conclusion:

I am going to post this tonight.

And tomorrow, I’m going to talk about why I cried in class today.

And the day after that,

I might talk about all of the characteristics that I possess

that doctors tell me are “symptoms.”

And then in a few weeks, I’ll probably tell you how my new therapist is,

because Lord knows I’m going back to therapy.

And I’m going to talk about ADHD,

not exclusively,

but enough to probably make you want to reach through the computer screen,

grab ahold of my throat,

and scream,

“your life is not that bad!”

and,

“those revelations are not that big!”

But I’m going to keep writing anyway.

I’m going to use this blog for me.

And I’m going to try and help myself,

even if I keep going back and forth between deciding if I really need it.

Or if I really deserve it.

Because I understand if you’re tired

of me just blabbing on and on about ADHD,

but I’m tired too.

I’m tired of blinking back tears in class and in the library and in the suite

I’m so tired that sometimes I just let go and let them fall.

I’m tired.

I’m tired of being this person,

and I need to turn to writing again,

and try to help myself.

I want to use this blog,

this one thing I created,

as a place where I can talk through some things

and

I don’t know

just try to be better.

Sincerely,

Sammy