CURRENT OBSESSIONS

Dear Reader,

A good friend of mine and I always joke about how part of the reason why we’re such good friends is because of our obsessive nature. I think that’s a recurring theme with people in our generation–the tendency to become immediate fangirls when finding new things that peak your interest.

At this point in my life, there are many things that I’m mildly obsessed with–that all of a sudden seem to occupy large parts of my brain–which is a little worrisome. I mean, surely they’re taking up space that could be used for my Linguistics class or for memories that I’m forgetting.

I don’t know, I think about memory a lot because mine seems to be so bad. (Side note, apparently this is an effect/symptom/personality trait of people with ADHD. So that’s fun.) (Double side note: sorry for the sporadic nature of this post. I think both my coffee and medication just kicked in at once, which almost always leads to word vomit such as this).

Anyway, I decided to make a list of my current obsessions. To spread the love, you know?

Enjoy.

Hamilton the Musical: This has been getting a lot of hype recently and this morning, I finally understood why. Sarah had me listen to a few songs (beginning with Helpless/Satisfied which is perfection) and then she explained the rest of the musical to me and we both swooned over the voice Jonathan Groff and it was beautiful.

Drunk History: What educational fun! I mean, who knew that Woodrow Wilson had a stroke and his wife had to run everything for his last years of his presidency and was basically the first woman to become president?? Not me! Until I watched that episode of Drunk History.

Tumblr/Journaling: Ugh. I love Tumblr. I have one that’s primarily funny and fandom reblogs and another that’s more personal and is just soothing or thought-provoking or just makes me happy to look at. This one inspires a lot of my (handwritten) journal entries and makes me feel artistic, even though I’m really not.

I do really need to organize them, though, and change up the formats a little bit. They’ve been the same way for years.

Jim and Pam: I’ve been re-watching The Office and oh my god, Jim and Pam. They give me true hope that I will someday fall in love with someone who is my best friend and makes even the most mundane tasks worthwhile and just makes my world a better place to live in. Them being fictional might be giving me unrealistic expectations, but I love them nonetheless. And honestly, I just really want to find my own John Krasinski.

Thinking about the Future: I have a lot of things going for me right now and when I look to the future, I’m really excited. Growing up is terrifying, but I feel like I’m at a point right now where I don’t have to worry about being 100% on my own, and I can still be young and stupid and make worthwhile memories that I’ll tell, I don’t know, somebody someday.

Today is just a really good day, you guys. It’s beautiful and sunny with a nice breeze and Sarah’s here with me and we have plans to visit our niece and cousin’s baby tomorrow and I’m sitting in the suite with the windows open and my Lolla playlist going and I just know good things are going to happen.

Sincerely,

Sammy

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{SB2K16} GULF SHORES: DAY SEVEN

Dear Reader,

The week has finally come to a close and I’m very sad about it. I’ve gotten pretty used to the routine that we have here, and I don’t know how well I’ll do transitioning back into real life (not to mention going back to school).

Basically each morning, we all wake up and take our time to recover from the night before and plan out our day while making breakfast and watching TV. This morning we made chocolate chip pancakes, bacon, and scrambled eggs and watched Trainwreck before starting our day.

It was pretty overcast, but we obviously had to spend our last day on the beach. We built a sandcastle, tossed the football around for a little bit, and Paige and I went tried bodysurfing once again because the waves were crazy.

By this point it was already 5 and we had decided we wanted to see Batman vs. Superman tonight so we all got ready as dinner was being made (burgers with fries and barbecue chips).

And then we saw the movie.

Paige is a huge DC fan and has been highly anticipating this movie for two years, so it was extremely entertaining to sit next to her during it. I, on the other hand, have never seen a Superman or Batman film, so I was pretty lost.

Still, I really enjoyed the movie (even though I found specific parts to be confusing and sporadic) and it was even better coming back and listening to Paige as she Googled things that happened and helped connect the dots and make predictions for the next movies that are going to come next in this franchise.

And now I sit here at midnight with my bags packed next to me, already dreading the trip back to Ohio that awaits me in five hours.

Thanks for following me on this adventure. Maybe I’ll do another one of these for my next trip.

Until then,

Sincerely,

Sammy

{SB2K16} GULF SHORES: DAY SIX

Dear Reader,

It stormed in Gulf Shores today, which was actually really cool to watch from our condo on the beach. At first it was even cool to watch while we were sitting on the balcony, but then the wind picked up and the thunder and lightning got more and more intense, so we moved inside where we could watch the rain pouring down the windows and freeze whenever the lights would turn off.

Because of the weather, though, we really didn’t do that much today. Mostly people just recovered from last night (where these lovely photos were taken)

and tried to rest before Nav’s 21st birthday celebration at midnight.

For the people who are 21 and over, this means going to the Flora Bama Bar (the bar that’s on the border between Florida and Alabama), and for the unders, this means night swimming in the rain.

I think we both win here.

So anyway, the day was mostly spent watching episodes of Drunk History, Workaholics, and Futurama, and playing card games in between.

Paige and I decided to leave the condo once today and head to the beach so we could get some fresh air (and I could take a picture for my photo a day).

I took these gems

   
     
And she took these

   
   

I don’t think we’re really capable of taking cute candids, but she did get this one, which I rather like.

Then we saw a kid walking on the beach and asked him to take a picture of us. So, after capturing this beautiful candid,

he snapped some of us.

 Then we headed back upstairs, just in time for dinner (stir fry tonight–have I mentioned how much I love the food here?), and here I sit typing up all of this before the night unfolds.

Until tomorrow, friends.

Sincerely,

Sammy

{SB2K16} GULF SHORES: DAY FIVE

Dear Reader,

Remember when I said I had two concerns for this Spring Break?

Well the one just blew up in all of our faces.

I completely understand what it’s like to deal with your own issues without anyone else knowing. I know what it’s like to have family stuff on your mind while everyone else is having a good time, and I understand how it feels to be constantly drawn back to the grim reality when no one around you seems to have any idea what’s going on.

And I know how I see everyone else in that kind of scenario. I know what it’s like to be oversensitive and I’ve been in the situation where I’ve blown things out of proportions.

But in that situation, you have to put everything in perspective. You have to realize when you’re in the wrong and when something you’re doing is an overreaction.

Today was a great day. We went go-karting

and then to the arcade. We hung out on the beach and went body-surfing. We had Zaxby’s for lunch and grilled chicken for dinner. We hung out and played some more games and even met up with the other alpha sigs later tonight.

It was a great day overall. And when I look back at this day, I’ll remember it as just that.

But there were two very intense screaming matches. There were harsh words thrown out that can’t be taken back. There were even tears shed.

Because I guess it’s impossible to have a single day go by without there being some kind of drama.

But now it’s late and I just want to sleep and all I’m thinking about right now is the fact that we got tickets to Lolla and I’ll get to see G Eazy and J. Cole and Lana Del Ray and so many other sweet headliners in just a few months.

Life is good.

Despite some of these setbacks and pity outbreaks, life is good.

Sincerely,

Sammy

{SB2K16} GULF SHORES: DAY FOUR

Dear Reader,

Sorry for the late post tonight. It wasn’t an extremely eventful day, but it was still pretty busy (if that makes sense). 

We found some people on the beach from Miami.   

The alpha sigs I’m with learned that they have a hand sign (lol).   

I had some great heart to hearts in the ocean. (Apparently it only takes two days to really open up to people.)

Oh, and I got asked to formal. So I guess I’ll be hanging out with this group of people a lot in the near future. 

Sorry for the lame post. Maybe I’ll have some good stories for y’all tomorrow. 

Either way, spring break is super fun. Gulf Shores: 10/10 would recommend. 

I’m already dreading going home at the end of the week. 

Sincerely, 

Sammy 

{SB2K16} GULF SHORES: DAY THREE

Dear Reader,

I finally took a picture on the beach today.

I’ve talked a lot about body image and my own self esteem issues on this blog, but today I finally posted a picture of myself on the beach. I saw it and immediately hated the way my feet, thighs, and face looked, but I posted it anyway (cropping out my feet though).

I’m not sure if it’s because of the positive insta feedback I’ve received (hey, it helps) or if if I’ve just looked at it so much by this point, but I actually don’t absolutely hate it anymore.

Here I want to add the obligatory: please don’t comment about how beautiful I am if only I could see it-type comments because I really don’t know how to respond to them and I really don’t know how to see past my own flaws. But what I’m saying here is that I am making progress and it’s good. I still wish my thighs were thinner and my teeth were whiter (and a long list of others), but this is progress.

(I’d also like to point out that I’m not wearing the sweater because of my body–it was still really cold today and I had goosebumps even with what I had on. Come on, Alabama. I expected better from you.)

The rest of the day was great, though. Two of the guys are sleeping in the main living room, and I guess the other guys chose to wake them up by blaring “The Circle of Life” through our speakers. So that’s also how Paige and I woke up as well.

But it wasn’t too bad because once we had gotten dressed and ready for the day, we were greeted in the kitchen with mimosas and french toast for each of us.

Not a bad way to start the day.

The rest of the day involved a lot of games and hanging out on the beach and typical-spring-break-type stuff. It was (relatively) chill but a ton of fun, and I’m proud to report that my sunburn isn’t really as bad as I initially thought. And (knock on wood) I don’t think today made it any worse.

Also, naps in the sun are very pleasant. Highly recommend.

I think one of my favorite things about this trip is that everyone loves to cook, though. I swear, I’ve had better meals here than I’ve had at home and at college. After the french toast this morning, Paige made me a delicious sandwich by toasting the bread and melting the meat and cheese over it. And then for dinner we had chicken parmesan, which was even better than the food we ordered in last night.

It’s a good thing I didn’t work on my beach bod because this week would’ve ruined it anyway.

Another pleasant surprise than came out of today (well, last night and today) was the resurrection of my drunk journal. Technically I guess I started writing in it again on March 3rd, but I have no recollection of that. The recent entries, however, are very positive and humorous, although I can’t always remember what exactly I was talking about when I wrote them.

Oh well. I like to think that’s what Hemingway would want. (He’s the inspiration behind this, after all.)

Until tomorrow!

Sincerely,

Sammy

{SB2K16} GULF SHORES: DAY TWO

Dear Reader,

In the past twenty four hours, I got sunburnt and one of our own got arrested.

It’s sad that neither of these things are really that surprising.

As I’ve mentioned in my last post, Gulf Shores has had a ridiculous number of arrests in the past two weeks. The police have no sympathy for underage spring breakers who think that the same rules apply here as they do in their college towns.

Still, I really feel for the guy who got arrested (he’s a part of the bigger group, so not my immediate group, specifically). He has a bit of a history–he’s been arrested before at home but was able to get off with things like community service, but he just tends to be a bit of a liability when he drinks.

So people had some concerns with him coming along and made a few comments, but they still let him join when a last-minute cancellation was made on Thursday (the day before they left). And then on Saturday morning, he found out that his ex-girlfriend (my friend Paige) is also coming along.

Their history and breakup is not one I’m about to get into, but the guy’s still pretty bitter.

Still, he didn’t go and get blacked on Saturday out of anger or spite. Instead, he decided to go to his friends’  house, but when two of the guys he came with got too drunk, he went out with them to hail a cab. Instead, a cop rolled up with their lights on. He tried to walk back up to the house, but the cop burst out screaming, “You don’t move!”

Then she arrested him.

And with all of the craziness that is spring break and the long process of arresting and processing a person, he didn’t get picked up until 2:30 today. (And then they had to drive the hour and a half back to the condo).

So I can see why he was pretty pissed.

 

As for my sunburn–well I put on SPF 30 this morning, so I’m pretty pissed too.

But all in all, my day was pretty great today. The weather was windy and cloudy and actually pretty cold, but it’s only supposed to get better from here (which I think is a theme of the week). Plus, the highlight of my day was the people I got to spend it with.

All of the guys in the house are no longer strangers and are all super funny and nice–two standup qualities, I would say. Then I met some people from the other group (which is just short of 30 people) and there are definitely some characters.

Great stories are coming out of this trip.

I almost met a TON of Phi Mus today. I found out the other group of girls lives two buildings down and when we were meeting up today, we saw a group of people taking super Tumblr-type pictures of them candidly laughing in the sand throwing the quat with each other. We didn’t introduce ourselves, though, because they were all perfect and intimidating and we didn’t want to interrupt their beachy photo shoot.

Then when we went to the other beach, a group of girls from Atlanta came up to us and told us they were Phi Mus too, so we danced with their speakers and laughed as they yelled “Roll Tide” in the offbeats of just about every country song.

THEN a group of girls came up to our huge group and were begging for a bandaid because one of them cut their toe on a seashell, when they saw Paige and I wearing our letters and said, “oh my gosh we’re Phi Mus too!!!” They were from LSU and seemed extremely excited to find some fellow sisters (lol) on Spring Break.

I wish we had a bandaid to give them.

So today was a pretty good day, and it seems like it’ll only get better from here.

I’m looking forward to what tomorrow has in store.

Sincerely,

Sammy

{SB2K16} GULF SHORES: DAY ONE

Dear Reader,

I’ve never been on a “rowdy” Spring Break trip before, so when my friend came to me and said I could go to Gulf Shores with him and some guys for $200 (which clearly beats the alternative of going back to the middle of nowhere for a week), I happily jumped on board.

So that’s how I ended up sharing a condo with three complete strangers, one acquaintance, two good friends, and a guy I haven’t even met yet (who is coming tomorrow).

We left Oxford at 5 this morning (after a nice McDonalds breakfast) and started the twelve-hour road trip to Alabama, already slightly behind schedule.

But after only a few pit stops

and some traffic

we finally made it to our condo on the beach.

I’ve decided I kind of want to keep my blog updated with the details of this adventure because 1) I don’t get a lot of opportunities to travel these days and 2) there’s sure to be some things worth documenting on this trip.

I already have some concerns.

My biggest is probably the fact that over 600 arrests have already been made in Gulf Shores since Spring Break “season” has begun (about two weeks ago). We’ve already seen tons of cops and cars being pulled over–even a Domino’s delivery car was pulled over on the main stretch by our place.

It just seems that they’re really cracking down and, although I know that I can personally handle the temptation of drinking on the beach, I’m worried that we could get into some serious trouble down here.

Another thing is that the friend of mine that arranged this is a pretty petty person. He just blows things way out of proportion and tends to make a bigger deal than ever needs be. Already on the way down here, he was starting things by constantly complaining about his need to be the “lead” car.

This, as I’m sure you can imagine, can get really annoying, and this quality is only amplified when alcohol is involved.

Fortunately, there are two other groups of people in the fraternity that he’s in that we can hang out with, and there are two other groups of people in the sorority that Paige (the other girl in our group) and I will most likely be spending some time with when the sausage fest becomes too exhausting.

And lastly, I’m worried about myself. Self esteem has never been my strong suit, and while I thought I made a lot of progress in Hilton Head, I realized the fact that it was strictly family really helped. So far I’ve only seen a handful of girls in bathing suits here (it’s cold and cloudy and we got here around dinner), but they all have flat abs and skinny thighs.

And, of course, we have the fact that I’m currently hiding out in the bedroom writing this blog post instead of drinking with the people I’ll be living with for the next week.

That’s half because I’m exhausted from hardly sleeping last night, and also half because we only have beer and I think my beer gut is far big enough for the moment.

So I’m worried I’m going to be a little more reserved this week or just simply sadder because I still hate how I look. I still don’t know how not to without changing it, and I still haven’t gotten around to putting in the effort to make that change.

So for now I’m stuck in a body I despise with the knowledge that it’s purely my own fault.

Okay, I really didn’t mean for this to become another one of those posts where I’m hard on myself and harping on my thoughts, but I can’t say I’m surprised it took that turn when the fact that I’ll be spending the next seven days in bathing suits on the beach is my reality.

I am really excited for the trip, though. I know a ton of people down here and the ones I’ve just met seem to be a lot of fun already.

And hey, it’s spring break!

No time to be stressed about things that don’t matter.

Sincerely,

Sammy

DESIRE

Dear Reader,

I went to a writing conference this weekend and it was pretty wonderful. My favorite workshop I went to was for writing creative nonfiction and we started with an exercise called “I remember,” which is where you basically just list a bunch of memories in a row and start each sentence the same way:

I remember my love for math but my incapability to be perfect at it.

I remember the fairies that lived in the shoebox in my closet.

I remember how excited I was to move.

After sharing with the person next to us and a few with the entire group, we then had to pick one and go into greater detail with it.

I picked the one about moving and tried really hard to use impressive vocabulary and the most beautiful-sounding descriptors I could think of because the person sitting next to me was one of those people who could describe what her cereal looked like this morning and it would move you to tears.

Then, after some more writing and sharing, we had our third and final exercise: write about a significant event in your life that hasn’t happened yet.

I wracked my brain for only a moment before I knew what I was going to write about: the moment someone tells me they love me.

I thought of a few different scenarios. Walking in the middle of the street underneath the dim street lamps as the snow falls around us. Waking up in bed together and him rolling over to me and whispering those words. A drunken night filled with word vomit and long overdue confessions.

It was as I was writing, though, that I realized I don’t really have any expectations for this moment in my life. It could honestly happen anywhere, at any time, with anyone–there are really no indicators in my life right now that might indicate the where/when/who.

But none of that matters to me–not yet, anyway. I’m sure once it actually happens, it’ll all mean something (and the “who” will definitely be important).

So I jotted down some ideas and daydreamed a bit about all the different scenarios that could play out, when the instructor called our attention and told us to finish up.

Then: Isn’t that a cool exercise? It’s one of my favorites because it can tell you what writers truly desire without directly asking them, and a lot of writing is like that–writing around the subject. You don’t always know what you’re gonna write about until you just do.

I thought about what I had just written. If you had asked me, “What do you most desire?” I wouldn’t have even thought to answer with love–or anything of the sort. Not before some of my dreams like teaching and traveling.

 

But it’s true.

I learned something about myself this weekend and, once again, I learned it through the beauty of writing. And though I’ve been concerned that it hasn’t happened yet–that I’m nineteen years old and that I missed out on experiencing young, dumb, obsessive puppy love. And though I have no potential of a romantic future with anyone I know now, I have hope that it’ll happen for me someday.

Someday, someone will say those words to me. And in that moment I won’t think back to how I felt when I was nineteen. All the desperation and the fear of missing out on something it seems like everyone else is getting to experience.

Someday, someone is going to just look me in the eyes and tell me they love me. They’ll confess that they can’t imagine what it’d be like to not know me–that they can’t fathom a life without me in it. They’ll call me their best friend and their favorite person and every cliche in the book.

And all the while I’ll be grinning like an idiot because I feel the exact same.

Sincerely,

Sammy

 

WHAT A WEEKEND

Dear Reader,

This last week has been one of the most stressful yet, and so I took the weekend to just relax and make some good choices. (Relatively) It might not have been the most productive, but I think it was much needed.

We’ll deal with the repercussions later.

I got a little this week and she’s a sarcastic little shit that I love a lot. We bonded over our love of Always Sunny in Philadelphia as well as Vine and Twitter. I found out she loves Kanye just as much as I do, and I ended up making that into our big-little shirts–which she loved and we both got mad compliments on so not too bad for making them on Friday morning.

On Saturday we had our date party and I once again had the opportunity to go out in a t-shirt and leggings because our theme was “PJ party.” And because I took a friend from high school who I didn’t have to worry about impressing, I didn’t opt for the beloved Victoria Secret robes or short dress-type sleep shirts with phrases like “invitation only” written in cursive. Instead, I went to wal-mart and picked up some Bud Light slippers, matched them with my D.A.R.E shirt from 2007, put my hair in braids, slapped on a sleep mask, and called it a night.

It was beautiful.

I also have been listening to Macklemore’s album on repeat this weekend because I’m in love with it and I decided to rewatch the Office but when I got to the season 2 finale I was so sad about the shitstorm that was about to hit Jim and Pam that I decided to skip ahead a few seasons and watch their wedding episode(s).

Many tears have been shed this weekend.

Oh! And I might do a completely different post about this but I finished listening to “Ready Player One” on Audible (great book by the way) and I’ve discovered how much I love audiobooks. At least when I have headphones, that is. I seem to have lost mine this week (which is the WORST), but when I had them I would listen to the book everywhere I walked–in between classes, walking around the dorm doing laundry, when I went to the gym and decided to try running. Audiobooks make me feel extremely productive and like a multi-tasking champion so 10/10 would recommend.

Let me know if there are any books I should download next. 

So yeah, that was my weekend–the good parts at least. Why recap on the bad?

No, we’re focusing on the good because that’s what made this weekend.

And as far as I want to remember, it was one for the books. 

Sincerely,

Sammy