MY NEW DESKTOP/DAILY MOTIVATION

Dear Reader,

As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been in kind of a rut lately. I haven’t been posting that much, which is mostly due to the fact that everything I write seems rubbish to me. Most of it I don’t even finish.

But I want to be a writer. I want to keep up with my journal and I want to keep updating my blog and I really want to finish my novels. But none of that will happen until I get out of my own way and just write.

I’ve always been kind of hard on myself when it comes to writing. I’ve never had a large vocabulary, or been able to perfectly describe what I’m trying to say–not like other people do. I see these beautiful quotes and read these books where these people, humans not so different than I, fit something so seemingly indescribable into the perfect passage. But when I try to do it, it never seems right.

And I’ll try and try, only to stumble across my writing months later and think, “what was I doing? This is crap!”

But here’s the thing: even if it is, that’s okay. Because, often, I’ll find that now I can write it better. I’m improving–even if it’s an improvement from a crappy start.

So I came across this picture the other day

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It’s one that I’ve seen before, but I’ve forgotten about. And that’s often the problem. I’ll find these quotes all over the internet that instantly inspire me to get to work, but then the next day, they’ll be gone from my memory.

So, I made a change. And now it’s my background.

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So, I will be posting more now. Maybe I’ll post more of my writing. Maybe I’ll keep going with the book reviews, or go back to the weekly updates. Maybe I’ll try poetry!

And maybe it’ll suck. But I like to think that it’ll get better, one day. I’ve just got to get there.

Sincerely,

Sammy

WHY AM I HERE? [1 YEAR BLOGIVERSARY]

Dear Reader,

I’ve known for a while that this one-year mark was approaching, but it seems weird that it’s finally here. Especially since I haven’t been on WordPress or Bloglovin or really anything in a while. And a big reason for that is because lately I’ve felt stuck. Ideas for blog posts will come to me, and some I’ll start writing out to see where they go, but they always leave me with the same feeling. And the same questions.

Why am I sharing this?

And why am I here?

I mean, who is reading this anyway?

And sure, some of that stems from my problems with self confidence. When you see yourself in a poor light, it can be downright mind-boggling that anyone gives so much as five minutes from their day just to read something you feel inclined to share with the internet. Especially when there is so much going on! Just on this website alone, I’ve felt that my content doesn’t really match that of my peers. But going against the whole internet, you start to wonder why anyone would click on your  book reviews and random findings and rambling reflections of my life when there are real people doing really cool things. You start to think, why am I sharing this anyway?

Still, I sat down to write a 1-year blogiversary post mostly because it would just feel wrong not to. And it brought me back to the beginning. One year ago me, sitting at this very same computer, talking about what kind of character I want to be in this story that I’m writing.

And while this story has a long way to go, and this character has a lot (lot) more developing to do, things are happening. Changes are occurring. And I’m excited to continue and share them on here, because I do have answers to those questions. I’m here for me. I am using this blog to grow and learn more about myself and share my findings. And who’s reading this? Sure, my friends. My sister. Strangers on the internet. But who cares? That’s just a bonus–the likes and comments and socializing with people who I’d never have a chance to interact with otherwise. But it’s a pretty big bonus. There are some freicken cool people on this website, and I’m glad I get the chance to be among them, even in the smallest of ways.

So what is this post? A babbling mess? An excuse for why I haven’t been posting lately? A birthday present to my blog? Maybe it’s all of that, and maybe it’s nothing. Maybe I’ll hit “publish” and no one will read it and I’ll never look at it again, but that’s fine. Like I said, I’m learning more about myself through this weird website, and sometimes I just need to word vomit onto a page of the internet.

But that’s just me. And for a year now, WordPress has allowed me to do just that.

So maybe it’s clear now that this little corner of the internet doesn’t exactly showcase the best writing of our generation. Or make the most remarkable revelations or insights. Or even stay updated on a regular basis. But it’s here, and I’m glad. Because it won’t be going anywhere for a long time.

Sincerely,

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