Sorry if this doesn’t live up to the unexpected hype.
Inspired by this article: http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/danielle-montgomery/eating-disorders_b_6636502.html
- I envy you for being able to fill up Facebook albums with good picture after good picture, when I spend my days untagging myself and hiding photos on my timeline.
- I don’t hate pictures. I hate myself.
- I wish I could jump in front of the camera as easily as you. I really do.
- I’m sorry that I cancel on you so much but some days I feel too hideous to leave my room.
- I don’t ever do this for attention. I don’t call myself ugly or fat to try and fish for compliments.
- In fact, some days I hate your compliments. I don’t know how to react. I can’t just accept it and move on when I know it’s not the truth.
- More than anything do I wish I could just believe you when you tell me I’m pretty or thin, but I can’t help but think that you’re lying. There’s no way you’re seeing something different than what I see in the mirror.
- And let me tell you: the mirror changes everything. I could be having a great day, but then I’ll pass by a window or a bus will drive by and I’ll catch some sort of reflection.
- I’m happiest when I can completely forget what I look like.
- I can’t stop myself from constantly comparing myself to those around me.
- I know beauty isn’t everything. Believe me, sometimes I hate my personality even more than the way I look. My self esteem issues aren’t just skin-deep.
- I also know that beauty is important. And when I’m standing around talking to no one when all the girls around me are chatting up someone cute, the first thing I blame is the way I look.
- It’s also the first thing I blame when I reflect upon the lack of interest guys express towards me.
- I hate being insecure. I don’t believe it’s cute or naive or humble that I don’t think I’m beautiful. I know that it’s weak and stupid and it’s just another thing I hate about myself.
- I have a list of physical features I despise about myself. And every time you make a comment about one of them, it’s burned into my brain.
- Trust me, I didn’t discover my cankles or knock knees or flat feet or weird hairline on my own. Someone pointed each of these out to me.
- That being said, new discoveries are now fairly easy for me to make, all by myself.
- Trust me, if I thought going to group or talking about it would help, I would.
- But for the record, I don’t think it would. The only solution I can possibly think of involves changing almost everything about me.
- I will never expect you to understand me and why I feel like this as I don’t think I even understand myself.