It is currently 4:15AM and I felt the need to write. So, I sat down at my computer, made myself comfortable, and the words started pouring out.
Except I am not going to publish those words.
The entry I just started (but didn’t dare complete) just crossed the fine line from venting about problems to coming across as clinically depressed.
SO: I decided I wouldn’t stand for it. Yes, college is hard. Yes, I’m terrified of failure but continue to slack. Yes, making friends is not as easy for me as I thought it would be. YES! Okay? But I am DONE writing about that. (Disclaimer: I’m not done for good, venting still does help me deal with a lot of my issues.)
Tonight I’m done. Why choose to be anything but happy? Why give in to the late-night thoughts and allow myself to drown beneath the stresses and the self-pity? When, instead, I could be happy?
So this week I am only writing happy entries. Or maybe the next seven entries in sequence. I’m not sure yet, but the point is, my blog is changing. When I came to college, my tone drastically changed from optimistic and enthusiastic to depressing and hopeless. “I’m excited about everything!” changed to “oh, woe is me!” And writing turned into something that made me sad instead of happy. And I get it, it’s good to be in touch with your emotions–the good, the bad, the ugly–but I’m trying a new one for a while.
I’m going to be happy.
PS: You know that girl, Meghan Trainor, who sings “All About That Bass?” Well I just discovered a song of hers that I find to be even better.