Let me set the scene for you. The room is pitch dark and freezing and the house is silent. All except for the laptop sitting on the bed in the tiny alcove of the bedroom. Alt-J’s “Interlude 2” is playing from the sleep playlist that has been droning on for a solid two hours and the clock reads 3:43 AM. And here I lay, bored out of my mind and perfectly awake. And perfectly aware that I have to babysit two boys in about four hours. I guess that’s the downside of taking two naps in one day.
To be honest, I could probably sleep if I tried, but I haven’t been trying. Instead, I’ve been exploring parts of the internet that I’ve remained unfamiliar with for all of these years. Well, I’m only seventeen, but I’ve been pretty comfortable navigating YouTube, Tumblr, Facebook, and all that jazz for a good five years now at least. Blogging, though, is new to me.
I’ve come across blogs before, mainly through Pinterest, but I never thought I would actually start one myself. Actually, I’m surprising myself as I type. But I guess that’s what boredom or procrastination or whatever you want to call this will drive you to. It’s all a very strange concept to me. These posts will be accessible to the entire world, but maybe a handful of people with read them–if that. Still, it’s the risk that’s exciting. It’s not like I’m going to deliberately keep this a secret and pull a Hannah Montana act and get the best of both worlds. I won’t become “average teenage girl by day; super blogger by night” (I meant for that to be lame but it came out cheesier than expected but you know what? We’re past it and I’m keeping it in here. No edits). What will probably end up happening is I will occasionally use this blog to post… things. Stories, opinions, recommendations, rants, advice, I don’t know. Whatever else I want to. And maybe no one will read it (probably no one will read it) or maybe one person will. And that person will use my advice and make a change. Or maybe they’ll be inspired and start their own blog that becomes super popular and they become famous and start inflicting change all over the world and in a way I helped, which is enough. Or, at the very least, maybe someone will be bored or sad and they’ll read this (probably just the beginning because this is already getting to be unnecessarily long and we’re not done yet) and smile. Actually no, at the very least, I’ll come back and read this and laugh at myself for being such a dork. And that’s enough for me. Either way, this exists now. It’s a thing. And it needs an introduction, so this is what it gets.
I’ve kept a journal since the sixth grade (all on Microsoft Word documents and Pages, mind you–I’m awful at keeping hand-written journals), and I ended every entry with “Sincerely, Sammy.” Cheesy, sure, but I was pretty darn proud of myself when I coined that tagline at age 10. So, that’s the name of this blog. Now to explain the name of this post.
I am an aspiring writer. Aren’t we all? Actually, probably not, but that’s just how I’ve felt recently. Anyway, I want to be an author. Someday. I really want to be a high school English teacher, but I want to continue writing as well. It is this desire that navigates my thinking throughout the days. I see everyone as a possible character. Sort of. More like I see their characteristics and think about the characters I have created and am in the process of creating and I make mental notes to give them these different qualities or assets. Similarly, it is this sort of thinking that has caused me to think of myself as a character in a novel. I used to think everyone did this–which they might, to some extent. Because let’s be honest, we’re all the protagonist of our own stories. We’re all the centers of our own lives. Sure, we’re a part of a bigger picture, but our lives revolve around us. Specifically. Individually. I’m not explaining this correctly (I hardly ever explain anything correctly), so I’ll probably come back to this topic in a future entry. When it’s not four in the morning and I can think straight and articulate my thoughts in an organized manner. But I digress. And we’re missing the point that I’m trying to make.
Spoiler Alert: I don’t have a story.
Not yet, anyways.
After coming to terms with the perspective that I am the main character of this story, it was hard enough for me to decide what kind of character I wanted to be. What kind of person I want to be. And I’m still working on it, but the story needs some work too. What I’m thinking is if I start this blog, if I start writing about my “story,” something is bound to happen. Something! Anything! Because if my life leading up to this moment was a novel, I would rate it a solid two stars out of five. I would say, lovable characters, hilarious protagonist (hey, it’s my story), but no plot. Hardly any conflict. No adventures. BORING.
So maybe I’m just the character and fate or destiny or God is the writer. Maybe I have no say in where this story goes. In which case, I am starting this blog to say: Yes, hello, it’s me, Sammy. I’m bored and pathetic and would like some change, please. Preferably something spectacular. And maybe that’ll work!
Or maybe I’m both the character and the author. That’s how I’ve been raised to think: that I can do anything–be anything I want to be. In which case, I’m forcing myself to take some initiative by starting this blog. I have created this place to share some things about my life. With whom, I have no idea. But the point is that I want to share some amazing experiences and crazy stories and I want to go out and live in order to have solid advice and opinionated feelings! So this is a turning point for me, then.
Or maybe nothing will happen and this site will be filled with a whole lot of pointless nothingness. God, that’s an awfully put-together sentence. But no edits, right? I’m far too lazy and tired for that.
Either way, this has already been a success because I am exhausted. I have managed to kill an hour by starting what is possibly the greatest project of my life.
I’m also fantastically optimistic.